America Nearly Gets Embarrassed in Football

by 100% Injury Rate

If there's ever been a sport that we should just destroy other countries in, it's football. And by football, I mean our football - not soccer. So naturally I was excited when I learned that the US would be competing in the International Federation of American Football World Cup for the first time ever. I mean weren't you excited also? Uh yeah, sure, whatever.

The World Cup has only been around since 1999, and the US team is comprised of NCAA and NAIA players who aren't going anywhere, so don't get too excited. Anyway, we rolled South Korea 77-0 in game 1, before clocking Germany 33-7. That set up the ultimate football matchup. America versus Japan for world football supremecy on July 15th at Todoroki Athletics Stadium in Japan.

And we damn near lost. The US had to make a comeback just to force OT. We wound up winning 23-20 in double OT (overtime rules are like college). Just so we're clear, we almost lost to a country that plays human tetris.

Good thing we won, cuz if we hadn't I would have used all my political connections (zero) to prevent the team from getting back into the country.

This is a wake up call for us. If we're going to compete in this thing in the future, I want to see us destroy teams 437-0. Give me Tom Brady, LDT and Chad Johnson scoring touchdowns at will. Give me Dwight Freeney sacking the French quarteback in half (yes, France competed this year). I have a great desire to find out who France's emergency QB is. If we send pros to the World Cup in the future, we'll find out soon enough.

Thanks to We Are The Postmen for discovering human tetris.