Epic Carnival | Where Sports and Pop Culture Collide: Breaking Down the Commissioner's... Faces

Breaking Down the Commissioner's... Faces

by Tbone, The Sports Hernia

Bud Selig
- Despite Selig's newfound unfamiliar driver's seat role among the three commissioners, good old Bud simply refuses to stray from his ridiculous "Dark Crystal had sex with Sam the Eagle" face. The ultra-freaky vulture look has become Selig's trademark throughout the years, rarely breaking character to the point that a frightened Bob Costas had to have security fasten Selig's wings to his chair during the interview taping that aired on HBO Tuesday night. When Bonds breaks the record, don't be surprised to see Selig fly from his skybox at Pac Bell Park and swoop Barry up, never to be seen again.

David Stern
- Perhaps the first time we've heard Stern actually openly admit his league is an unbelievably shitty spot, we're now privy to the "Droopy dog meets Robert DeNiro in Awakenings" face. A refreshing change from the "Smug Chipmunk" look we've become so accustomed to over the years, the "RDiA" face reeks of a man in desperate need of medication, some crayons and perhaps maybe even some Tom & Jerry re-runs to stare at blankly.

Roger Goodell - No surprise here with Goodell, the man is straight up concerned. The fact that he's already suspended controversial WWF manager Slick from appearances at any NFL games and any NFL 'social outings' should tell you everything you need to know about the somewhat paranoid face you see here. The fact that he looks like he's part of Dave Checkett's Mormon posse doesn't help matters much either.

4 comment(s):

Von Kaiser said...

Selig should have been on Six Feet Under, what an oversight by the casting director.

Sooze said...

Ah, ornery old men. So loveable.

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