The 'Canes are Sleepy

by Sterling Gould, More Credible

The Miami Hurricanes are really anticipating this upcoming football season. So much, they've become bored with everyday activities... like driving:

A Miami football player was ticketed for careless driving and a highly touted freshman quarterback was among three players injured early Monday after a one-car crash in southwest Florida.

The car overturned several times before stopping on its roof. Alcohol was not a factor, the Florida Highway Patrol said.

That's a shocker. Someone hit the AP Wire.

Jermaine McKenzie, 18, was ticketed after telling troopers he fell asleep while driving a 2007 Dodge Charger on Interstate 75 near Naples, Fla., about 120 miles from Miami's campus.

Quarterback Robert Marve, 18, was in the back seat and suffered what the FHP termed as minor injuries. A university spokesman declined comment, saying the school was gathering information, but The Miami Herald reported Marve needed surgery on his left -- non-throwing -- hand, citing information from Robert Weiner, Marve's high school coach.

No cause for alarm here people, the car was just doing it's best "rolling trash can impression" on the highway. Do they teach Drivers Ed. at "DA U"? And if so, did Kellen Winslow pass that class? That's an upstanding guy.

Uhhh... memo to the driver, stay awake at the wheel. I know it's tough because most of you were probably up all night writing "7th Floor Crew: Part 2", but you could save a few lives other than your own by not being a tool. I hope that's not too hard.