Epic Carnival | Where Sports and Pop Culture Collide: The David Beckham Live-Blog

The David Beckham Live-Blog

by Lozo, Why Don't We Get Drunk and Blog?

I know what you're thinking. "Dave, it's Friday. David Beckham's debut is tomorrow. How can you possibly live-blog something that hasn't happened yet?"

Because I'm awesome, that's why.

Let's face it -- it's soccer. It's 90 minutes of absolute nothingness. So instead of scrambling to come up with insightful, witty responses to the action on the day of the game, let's cut to the chase and get it done now.

7:30
-- Welcome to a stadium where the Los Angeles Galaxy play soccer. I'm not sure of the name. But it's standing room only as 20,000 people have poured in to see the debut of David Beckham.

7:31
-- We have our first reference of Victoria Beckham, who can be seen, well, wait, she's turned sideways. Wait, wait, there she is! A prettier space alien this planet's never seen!

7:35
-- And we are under way!

7:36
-- Beckham runs around.

7:37
-- Beckham runs around.

7:38
-- The ball is headed toward.....no, forget it. Beckham runs around.

7:39
-- Beckham runs around. I'm going out to get a sandwich.

7:55
-- Hey, I'm back. It's 0-0. The announcers just mentioned that Beckham had a world-class strike on the ball while I was out. I don't know what that means. It didn't lead to a goal, so maybe they were referencing the world in which Victoria came from where soccer doesn't exist.

7:57
-- Our first "Beckham and Posh are friends with TomKat" mention. I wonder how long before Becks and Posh fall under Scientology's spell.

7:58 -- Posh is seen sitting in a luxury box with tin foil on her head. I guess she's already converted.

8:00
-- Boy, soccer is boring. Every time Beckham touches the ball, the crowd goes insane, despite the fact he's 50 yards from goal. I can't imagine what's going to happen if he actually scores.

8:03
-- Goal! Only it was scored by Chelsea. 1-0.

8:07
-- I don't even know what I'm watching anymore. Let's see what else is on. Oooo, Serendipity. Love that movie.

8:21
-- Having just watched the scene where John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale ride up the elevators, I realized I've missed nearly 15 minutes of "action" in the game. Or match. Whatever. It's halftime, and it's 2-0 Chelsea. ESPN shows this graphic:

DAVID BECKHAM

Shots:
2
Touches:
15
Wife:
Not human
Handsomeness:
Unquestionable
Interesting:
Not at all

8:45 -- 9:30:
It's just 45 minutes of Beckham running around, not actually scoring or setting up a goal, and just non-stop blather about his affect on American soccer, Hollywood name-dropping, shots of Posh in the luxury box not eating, and fans wearing "I HEART BECKHAM" shirts, most of them women. Chelsea wins 3-0, and we can now go back to not caring about soccer in this country.

11 comment(s):

The Feed said...

How does Edson Buddle play?

Anonymous said...

Tough guy the stadium seats up to 27,000 if your going to make fun of something at least do it right

dswinder said...

talk about a tough guy...You're anonymous...That's real tough...

Mustafa Redonkulous said...

Hey anonymous,
While you're at it, why don't you tell us how many sodas the concession stands sell during a sell-out? Assclown.

DCScrap said...

I love saying "ass-clown".

DCScrap said...

"ass-clown, ass-clown, ass-clown, ass-clown!"

Anonymous said...

Nothing like making "fans" pay $200 for a $20 ticket only to have your star hurt before he even gets off the plane. This is exactly how you get Americans to fall in love with soccer!!

Anonymous said...

Let me guess, you're a fan of Nascar, the favorite American sport where you get to see cars go round and round... and round again. Talk about exciting. Or maybe is it baseball? Bunch of guys waiting around for a dude to hit the ball... Exciting stuff really. And please, call your sport Handball instead of Football. The things that you use to hold the ball with... that's your hands, not your feet!

Anonymous said...

Becky should join the LPGA so he can meet Michelle Wie and the two can conmpare injuries

Anonymous said...

Listen. I am a typical american sports fan. I like football, basketball, and baseball. I used to hate on soccer, but that was before I actually started watching it. I would call it boring, etc. Now I LOVE soccer. I started watching MLS games 3 years ago (MLS is by far my favorite league, despite what some mls-haters say about it), and now soccer is one of my favorite sports.

The problem is that younger sports fans (the majority of whom have played soccer at some point) and tricked into thinking that soccer is not a good or cool sport by the american media and people surrounding them that are affected by the media. Plus, older sports fans just don't give it a chance. People just aren't willing to change.

Most of the Americans who don't like soccer, just haven't given it a chance. Watch 4 matches, full matches (whichever league you like), and I can guarantee you that 75-80% will become soccer fans. It really is a great game. I could drone on and on about statistics and advances that soccer has made in america, but I won't. All I can say to soccer-haters is that I USED to be one of you. But, just give it a try please. You'll like it. I used to not like Hamburgers either, but then I actually tried one.

Also, to the guy who wrote this. This is probably the most ill-concieved and ill-researched blog/article/whatever you would like to call it, that I have ever read.

Anonymous said...

That was a great game btw. Watching the first game in the sun was no fun at all, but the electricity was definitely awe-inspiring...even if most of the cheering was done when Beckham got up off the bench. And I was stuck right next to the Chelsea section who had a "Who the f- is Beckham" chant going on.


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