The E Stands For Excruciating

by theoriginaljd, Six Pack Sports Report

The working title for this - my introduction to the Epic Carnival - was going to be "Crowbar to the Face: Or what I would have rather had done to me than watch the ESPY's" but frankly it wouldn't fit in the title bar. After last night I'm left to wonder at what point did the World Wide Leader determine that being funny and hip was more important than having integrity? And before you ask I do believe that writing for a website full of people who would make Chris Hanson uncomfortable puts me in a position to talk about credibility, and after the ESPY's I firmly believe that the WWL has none.

Correct me if I'm wrong but each individual sport has their own version of the ESPY's already right? It's called the MVP award, or the [insert respective sport here] World Championship if I remember clearly. So creating an entire night where the suits at ESPN can get on all fours and pleasure professional athletes seems to be at best redundant. I'm sure that Devin Hester was really disappointed when the Bears put on one of the worst performances in Super Bowl history but it softens the blow to see that Best Breakthrough Performance ESPY on his mantle. And while I am sure that using one of his sick days to get the night off from Wal Mart was tough on Jared Zabransky at least this Best Game award will be a conversation piece at the next company picnic.

But the most blatant display of the proverbial reach around had to be the fact that Lebron James was hosting this abortion. Would this ever work in another supposed objective news medium? Would Wolf Blitzer ever allow Lindsay Lohan to host a segment on the Situation Room? What happens in 10 years when the Lebro star has begun to fade a little bit and he's found in an Oakland Opium Den smoking hash with OJ Simpson? How will ESPN cover that in an objective manner?

I feel for Kobe Bryant worst of all though. Had he been able to control his insatiable appetite for white girl anal rape a couple of years he might have been hosting the ESPY's, then nobody would have heard a word about that fateful Colorado night. The WWL would have swept that under the rug because Kobe would have been a company shill and not the uber villain in the Kobe/Shaq fallout.

Obviously the downside of this argument is that ESPN doesn't take it's job as the major source of sporting news seriously anymore which is why they don't care about things like remaining objective. That's why Epic Carnival has to exist. If it wasn't for the lack of journalistic integrity in Bristol there would be no place for blogs that give you alternative views because you wouldn't be force fed the company line on national TV. So on the one hand ESPN I found the whole ESPY experience to be nauseating, but on the other hand it allowed me to wake up this morning and write an abortion joke so I guess I should thank you for that opportunity.

Oh one last thing - for those of you who have never made it over to Six Pack Sports Report my name is theoriginaljd but you can call me daddy if that's more to your liking. I thank you all for coming out to the Carnival and I am sure that you'll find something here that makes you laugh, and something here that makes you cringe - probably in the same paragraph. Enjoy the show.