Joe Torre Responds

by theoriginaljd, Six Pack Sports Report

This is an Epic Carnival exclusive. I have just received a letter from Yankees manager Joe Torre responding to the allegations that he is a racist made by Gary Sheffield. Torre is obviously very distraught over the charges being made by Sheffield and he has been comforted through this difficult time by his close friends John Rocker and the estate of Marge Schott.

Dear American Public:

Recently my name has been slandered in the media by someone who I thought I knew. Gary Sheffield - a man who I released from the bonds of the New York Yankees - has come out and accused me of being a racist. Well I want to take this opportunity to state for the record that I am not a racist. If anything I feel sorry for Gary Sheffield a man obviously suffering from a mental disability which I attribute to his mother being a drug addict when she was pregnant with him, or the fact that he never knew his father. I know that I am not a psychologist but having dealt with major league ballplayers my entire career I know the one's who have deadbeat fathers (Kenny Lofton, Tony Womack) have always had a difficult time taking criticism.

Sheffield claims that I used to single out the blacks during team meetings while treating the white players like men. Can you blame me for not wanting to be around guys like Gary Sheffield when giving them potentially bad news? These people are obviously prone to violent uncontrollable outbursts and I wanted to make sure some of my team leaders (Derek Jeter, Roger Clemens, Jason Giambi) were around when I singled out someone like Sheffield.

But calling me racist? That's just propaganda fed to Sheffield from hip hop music and BET, or whatever it is those guys like. I mean was it being racist when I told Kenny Lofton that he was the speedster on our team? Obviously the blacks have had a history of being superior runners on the base path. I know plenty of NYPD officers who would back up the idea that genetically blacks are just better runners, it's science. Could it have been racist when I told Tony Womack that he should learn first base because it's the easiest position for someone like him to play? No, I was just pointing out the fact that people like Womack generally do not have the same ability to comprehend difficult positions due to inferior mental capacity, again it's not my beliefs it's scientific facts. That's why Jeter plays shortstop and A-Rod plays third base. Oh and don't even get me started on Matsui - that guy does my taxes in April he's a math wizard.

You want proof that I'm not a racist? Why don't you go ask Daryl Strawberry about how I treated him like an equal. Obviously I realized that this man had a severe problem with crack cocaine (don't they all) but I never once singled him out for being a crackhead. I kept him on the Yankees while he smoked that crack pipe and chased fat white girls around the bowels of Yankee Stadium until he was white in the lips. If Gary Sheffield wants to know how non-racist I am he should ask Strawberry, now that's a character witness that I support.

But other's have rushed to my defense as well - people who I consider friends and who know me better than Gary Sheffield. Buster Olney, Peter Gammons, Don Imus, and Democratic Senator Robert Byrd are all great people to talk to about how un-racist I am. I just hope that Gary sees this letter and understands that I never meant to offend him, his homies or disrespect his 'hood. I love all black people - hell some of my best friends are black.

American public do not believe the lies of Gary Sheffield. I Joe Torre, skipper for the New York Yankees would never discriminate against the blacks. Well except for Barry Bonds - I hate that ni--

Sincerely,

Joe Torre