Kerry Wood Has Found the Lord

by Eric Horowitz, ShakedownSports

We may finally have the answer to why the world has recently been filled with so much war and pestilence. It turns out that God, Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, Zeus, Tom Cruise and everybody else claiming to have divine powers have been busy healing Kerry Wood's shoulder. According to Wood's personal trainer, Brett Fischer, that's the only possibly explanation for his astounding recovery.

"I've been doing this 25 years and I've never seen a shoulder turn that fast," Fischer told AP. "To me it was a miracle. This guy's shoulder really turned around in four days."

Apparently Wood went home one Friday with his shoulder feeling terrible, and when he came back the next week he began firing 95 mph fastballs. Now all the Cubs need is an act of divine intervention on Mark Prior's shoulder and they'll be a legitimate contender.