Tiger Woods is Livin' the Dream (Poll)

by dswinder, Sons of Sam Malone

Is it really fair to the rest of us that Tiger Woods is, seemingly, the luckiest man in history...Don't get me wrong, I am THE biggest Tiger fan you'll ever meet, and that's even if you search the brothels and crack houses, and I don't mean this to say that his golfing ability, relationships, or money are luck in any way...But...to have all three is, I don't know, wouldn't you say a little overkill...I mean come on. Enough already. We get it Tiger...We get that you can beat the shit out of us at golf, you have a wife that will make mountains quake and testes persperate, and all the while you could, just as easily, be in negotiations with our families, who would sell our souls to you for the right price...We get it...But is it fair? (There's a poll at the bottom)

1. He's the greatest golfer in the game today, possibly ever...And that is nothing next to the fact that he's the most dominant athlete in sports, with the only argument coming by way of Roger Federer...Tiger could beat me in a round of golf with 1 and 1/2 of his balls being tasered, while riding a donkey, sideways, up a hill, smoking a pipe, and framing OJ Simpson...with his eyes closed for good measure...It's honestly ridiculous just how good he actually is...The man's record over his last 5 major championships is: 1, 1, 2, 2, 12...AND PEOPLE SAY HE'S STRUGGLING!...Just in case you're still having doubts...In 2000 at the US Open at Torrey Pines, the two runners-up, Ernie Els and Miguel Angel Jimenez, finished the tournament at 3-over par...Not a big deal, right? The US Open is probably the toughest test in golf...The winner, Tiger Woods, finished at 12-under...15 strokes ahead of ANYONE ELSE in the field...I rest my case...

2. Hmmm...Let's see here...Tiger's wife will make a grown man, woman, and even grown children, dogs, and the occasional orangutan cry...Elin is a smoking hot, former Swedish nanny/supermodel (she's still Swedish by the way...she can't change that...just an FYI)...She follows nearly every round of golf Tiger plays...Hell, Elin was even traipsing the links after she was clearly, very pregnant...The chick was hot when she carrying around little Sam, and now, just over a month later, she looks like she never even sprung a future LPGA champ from her loins...It's unbelievable...In the words of the great Kat Williams, Shimananaya ShouldaboughtaHonda...

3. He's filthy effin' rich...The man could buy you, me, and that guy over there, and still have more than enough money to keep the Elinator happy (I keep coming back to Elin)...He's got Nike, Tag Heuer, GM (not just Buick anymore), Accenture, EA, American Express, and Gillete in his back pocket...And that's the short list...In only, and I repeat ONLY, golf earnings since 1997, Tiger has made just under 80 freakin' mil...Tiger makes somewhere around 70 million dollars a year, just in endorsements...To put it in simpler terms...Good googly moogly...

So, Epic Carnival readers and carnies, the question I ask you is: If you were Tiger Woods, and you were forced to pick one of these three things (golfing ability, hot wife, or money) to keep, and you lost the other two...What do you pick? I'm guessing you're all going to say the money, but really act as if you are Tiger Woods...Not yourself...I'm interested to see what everyone says...