by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
(Image choice is just to show you all that dog collars, forced imprisonment and gladiator-to-the-death moments don't always have to be, you know, wrong.)
Back when we were in college, during the times when dinosaurs walked the Earth, computers came with two kinds of monitors (amber or not amber) and girls wouldn't have sex with us due to AIDS, rather than taste or eyesight...
We received the following lesson, drilled day after day, in political science class: Audi et alteram partem. It's Latin for "Hear The Other Side, Too." The idea is that every case has an argument, or two, in its favor, and that you should hear them all before you come to judgment.
With that in mind, we're proud to present to you the following list that puts the Devil in Advocate. We're sure that after you're perused it, you'll never look at a man who is willing to throw away his entire career, livelihood and freedom away for bizarre and pathetic bloodlust the same way again.
10. Dogs are a major source of CO2. Killing them helps the fight against climate change
9. Cat owners appreciate the boost to their self-esteem
8. Takes all of the media spotlight off Warrick Dunn, and his disturbing collection of little boys' shoes
7. Gives white racists who have really taken it on the chin in their NFL fandom over the past 10+ years a bounce in their step
6. Allows the rest of the country to tell all new jokes about people who go to, or live in, West Virginia. They're not just having sex with their relatives any more!
5. Men who are trapped in relationships with women who have annoying little yappy dogs now have a wonderful little daydream to help them pass the time while picking up little Fifi's crap
4. Defenders of Asian culinary practices now have a big "Well, at least we don't do that... as far as you know" feather in their cap
3. Teaches the children of America the importance of being active in politics, in that if you are, you'll be safe from negative consequences from grand jury indictments
2. Saves ESPN, Sports Radio and lazy bloggers from having to come up with actual new content or ideas (looks both ways, slinks out of room)
1. In the immortal words of Marion Berry, Damn Bitches Set Him Up
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Top 10 Justifications For Mike Vick's (Alleged) Actions
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10 comment(s):
"Them damn dogs, they jus' had it comin'..."
#6 inaccurate. his crimes took place in central Virginia. Those hicks still have the death penalty. But this is a federal case so who knows...
Ann Coulter looks better with black hair.
I'm assuming he learned it at school.
FYI to my fellow carnies, Deadspin has linked to this. That makes me King Carnie for the day. Where's my pointy hat?
What's the link between Vick and West Virginia in #6?
He is from Hampton Roads, VA and played for Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, VA.
Maybe I suck at geography.
North Dakota, South Dakota... it's all Dakota. North Carolina, South Carolina... it's all Carolina. New Mexico, Old Mexico... West Virginia, Virginia...
"That makes me King Carnie for the day. Where's my pointy hat?"
The one with the 'D' on it? Pretty sure JP has it... ;p
"Maybe I suck at geography." indeed
"North Dakota, South Dakota... it's all Dakota. North Carolina, South Carolina... it's all Carolina. New Mexico, Old Mexico... West Virginia, Virginia..."
Yeah, who cares-- Michael Jordan wore South Carolina blue, all them bikers show up in North Dakokta for their rally, New Mexicans love to be called illegals-- yeah it's all the same
Oh, to be young and irony-impaired. Or old and ignorant about college football and geography.
Oh, to be proven wrong and then to have ron mexico put you in a breeding stand... giggledick
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