Top Prospects Work Out for Herban Meyer

by , Loser with Socks

Florida's top football prospects got to midfield for the first time, they were greeted with a glare.

The glare off the Sears Trophy, which sat under bright lights on a sideline table surrounded by four other pieces of 'hardware' [Gatorsports], four brightly lit Bushmaster Cyclone Bongs flanked the Sears Trophy. As most Gator Footballers are aware, the Bushmaster has the most sophisticated tar filtration system and provides possibly the coolest, smoothest smoke in Gainesville.

Head Coach Herban Meyer then gave a short speech. Meyer told the impressionable but eager players, "Here at the University of Florida we believe in obedience to law, except for the laws concerning money laundering, because they hinder recruiting and the illegal drugs because it hinders which players can play in which games when I have to "suspend" them (Meyer uses his fingers to make air quotes) . Bob Stoops, Nick Saban and Les Miles should be ashamed. They wield discipline in their programs only to curry favor with the left-wing drive-by media, but their selfishness comes at the cost of the players. [Ranking the Gator Arrests]

It's a crying shame when a player like Brandon James is forced to sit out a game because of a minor indiscretion. I mean, who hasn't been arrested for buying weed from an uncover narc? He was wearing a Gator football jersey for pete's sake, that should have been a clear sign to the 5-O that Brandon was cleared. Must have been a new guy working undercover. And how many of you carry guns (well over 1/2 of the recruits raise their hands). Just like I thought, all of you.

Here is what is expected at the University of Florida: We expect our players to play tough on the field...but off the field they need to play by the rules..isn't that a double standard? Can't we all just have fun and party without fear of losing our "jobs"? I mean come on...no one's perfect!! Great players should be able to play no matter what their criminal record. At Florida, Coaches have no right to take away their god given gifts to be FOOTBALL PLAYERS!

What you folks need to realize is that here in Gainesville it don't matter how we get there (to the national championship), it's just that we get there! I don't care if one of my players is caught in bed with a live boy or a dead girl, as long as they suit up and show some class on Saturdays.

One more thing...

We won't tolerate drops around here. We want to secure our sinsemilla better than we have been."