Who's Gnar?

by , Ghosts of Wayne Fontes

By now, I’m sure everyone has gotten a taste of the rotten road apple that is ESPN’s Who’s Now. Well, you know what they say? One dumb ass project deserves another. So, this is a little riff on that idea that pays tribute to some athletes who may never grace the halls of Bristol. This goes out to guys to some of the greats shedders of the gnar whose quest for the holy grail is about finding the freshy pow rather than being in the now. Without further ado, I bring you the hall of fame of ski and snowboard personalities in Who’s Gnar?

Glen Plake
Having read the following anecdote, there is no doubt that if there is anyone who is comfortable around large mounds of fluffy white powder, it’s Glen Plake.

"For Glen, there fell into place a connection between skiing and the wider world, an understanding that there were deeper forces beneath this sliding on snow. In that brief flash of insight, Plake knew that skiing held something greater for him."

Glen Plake is a shoe in for the Who’s Gnar? Hall of Fame, because he made us want to wear hot pink for some reason. Fluorescent colors and mohawks may come and go, but the Gnar is forever.


Johnny Moseley
Moseley is one of the all-time great Gnar athletes. Not only is he the inventor of the f*ckin Dinner Roll brah, but Moseley played a large part in the converting mogul skiing tricks from this...








to this...

Moseley also parlayed his ski fame into a successful off-the-slopes career as he has his own video game called Mad Trix and hosted the Real World/Road Rules Challenge. We can only speculate that Jonny has tapped some Tonya ass and we’re not so sure that’s a good thing. Notably, Moseley’s hosting of the show coincides quite coincidentally with Tonya’s meteoric metamorphosis from debutante priss to train wreck slut. We will just assume Jonny’s smooth-talking, mellow vibes had everything to do with it.

Shaun White
Don’t be distracted by the massive amount of puberty that is occurring here, it’s Shaun White I swear. This is the kid who got more ass than you or I will get in our whole lives before he was 15. Oh yeah, he also has way more money than you (16 sponsors), an Olympic gold medal, and will probably never have to work a real job. So, I guess we’ll just sulk here for a while. Jesus, that is depressing. I don’t even feel like making a fire crotch joke right now. Il Pomodoro Volante (apparently he’s big in Italy) has it made.

Scot Schmidt
Scot Schmidt is not the most well known of the All-Gnar team, but he is sort of the forefather. Scot Schmidt was really the pioneer of extreme skiing as well as heli-skiing. Most people probably thought is was all those Long Island Jewish chicks in college who made the North Face jacket so popular, but it all started right here.

Just to prove that Schmidt fits the bill, here are some inspired words from a truly Zen daredevil.

Favorite Book
Any book from a true master.

Favorite Place to Travel
Anywhere warm and sandy with good, aqua-blue surf.