All I Want for Christmas is The Hitman vs. Pretty Boy on Pay Per View

by Sanchez, Shot To Nothing

Dear Santa,

I know it's a little early to be writing to you, what with August barely even begun, but this year I want something a little bit different. I gave up asking for the Dolphins to win the Superbowl a long time ago, as you know, and seeing as you never gave me that particular gift (you fucking geriatric Patriots fan you), I wonder if you could, please please, grant me this one.

You see back when I was a youth and all the other asshole kids were claiming that you weren't real, I was still writing to you wasn't I Santa? And I know you heard me, 'cause after I begged for the Tyson, Holyfield fight, not only did I get to see it, but my dad said it was the best gift I had ever asked you for and that I should 'ignore what mom says, boxing on pay per view is a gift.'

So Santa, I'm wondering if you're just not that big a fan of football and maybe it's boxing that floats your sleigh. That's why I'm asking you for this one tiny present; I want to watch two of the most incredible fighters of all time, both undefeated and in their prime, go at it in the fight of the century on December 8th.

If you could give this one beautiful gift Santa, then I promise it'll be the only one I'll ask for all year (or at-least until September 6th) you have my word!

Thanks Santa and btw Tom Brady is a fag you need to switch allegiance at your earliest fucking convenience, otherwise those horny little elves are gonna get ideas about your big red ass.