Bill Murray Doesn't Take No Stinking Breath Tests

by Davey, Blown Coverage

You might have heard about Bill Murray's little incident over in Sweden, where he cruised through downtown Stockholm in a golf cart and then refused to take a breath test. When normal folk like you and me attempt a stunt like this, we get kicked in the genitals and sent to the slammer, where we'd spend our days trying not to get donkey-punched.

When Bill Murray does something like this, parents use it as an example for their kids on how to be cool and not get beat up at school for being a stupid dork.

Police officers spotted the "Caddyshack" star early Monday in the slow-moving vehicle and noticed he smelled of alcohol when they pulled him over, said Detective-Inspector Christer Holmlund of the Stockholm police.

"He refused to blow in the (breath test) instrument, citing American legislation," Holmlund told The Associated Press on Wednesday. "So we applied the old method — a blood test. It will take 14 days before the results are in."

It will actually take longer than 14 days to get the results because the scientists have never in fact handled blood that had such a high "awesome factor".

The golf cart had been on display for a week outside the downtown hotel where Murray and other VIPs attending the Scandinavian Masters golf tournament, were staying, tournament head Fredrik Nilsmark said.

Murray apparently drove the golf cart to the trendy Cafe Opera nightclub, less than a mile away, and was pulled over on his way back to the hotel.

Nilsmark said the vehicle wasn't intended for guests but added: "I don't hold any grudge against Bill Murray for borrowing our cart for a while."

Of course you don't hold a grudge against Bill, Frederick. Holding a grudge against Murray is like holding a grudge against a chain-smoking, karate fighting, ninja raccoon. It's just not possible. Murray could walk into my house and punch my mother in the uterus and I'd probably just scold her for not offering him a nice, cold drink.