Cards Still Hitting.....

by Jack Cobra, Cobra Brigade
In case you woke up this morning wondering why the St. Louis Cardinals game is still on TV, it is because they are actually still hitting in the fifth inning. Ok, that's not true.....but the Cardinals must have felt like they were using 'the stranger' last night as they got all hot and bothered during the fifth inning of their game with the San Diego Padres. With David Wells on the mound throwing softballs throughout the strike zone, the Cardinals decided to let out all of their season long frustration as pounded out ten consecutive hits (tied MLB Record) in a 10-run fifth inning on their way to a 10-5 victory. The win leaves the Cardinals 413 games out of first place in the NL Central, but at least for a night they feel better. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to find out how long that half inning lasted but here is a list of things that happened while the Cardinals were batting:

• The United States pulled all troops out of Iraq.
• Pacman Jones and Michael Vick are playing football again.....in the CFL
• We finally landed on the moon....for all of you conspiracy theorists out there
• Barry Bonds finally broke Hank Aaron's record for home runs
• Bud Selig finally did something cool.....he died
• Pete Rose was inducted into the Hall of Fame. Actually, that's not true, that will never happen
• Pigs evolved into animals with wings and are now used by FedEx to help deliver packages
• Tony LaRussa completed all 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
• Ichiro Suzuki fulfilled a lifelong dream of becoming a superhero by stopping all crime in the Pacific Northwest