The Cavs Have Rap-look-alikes on Lock Down

by Sterling Gould, More Credible

Prepare for sarcasm. I hope you're not a die-hard rap fan. Most importantly, hide your children.

Everybody got the NBA playoffs still fresh in their minds? Or atleast the Finals? It was pretty pathetic, sure, but watching the Cavs play made me think two things:

1. Damn, they're not very good at basketball.
2. They have alot of Rap/hip-hop star look-alikes on their squad.

Let's have a look and see:

Daniel "Boobie" Gibson and Rich BoyThe new star in Cleveland's line-up not only has the best nickname on the team but also looks alot like rap's new hot star "Rich Boy". Both of these upstanding citizens share one thing in common: they're skinny and look very hungry. I'm talking begging for a cheeseburger. Daniel probably isn't very "rich" right now, but as long as he keeps hitting deep "clutch" shots for the Cavs and getting the attention off of that "King James" dude, a hunk of change will be heading his way. Whether it'll be a Cadillac (THROW SOME D'S ON THAT BITCH) or an armored truck remains to be seen. Oh, and because Rich Boy can THROW SOME D'S ON THAT BITCH doesn't mean Gibson does the same. His "D" is as tenacious as a unicorn flying over a rainbow.


Larry Hughes and Juelz SantanaMr. Headband and Mr. Bandana. At first look, I thought these two were identical. And when Larry Hughes was sitting out in pretty much every game in the playoffs, I convinced myself that these two really are one. Why? Because Hughes (or should I say Santana) was obviously working on the next big hook (a hook is a "chorus" in a hip-hop song, in case you didn't know). Or maybe he was working on the next delicious soda with Ben Gordon? Yes, how else would Santana know Ben Gordon unless he was indeed Larry Hughes in the flesh. Wait, fuck, Hughes is Santana or is it the other way around. SHIT! I'm so confused. Usually in Santana's songs, whenever he's lost, he throws out a "DIPSET" and everything is alright. My code word will be "WHISKEY", followed by gunfire. So...

WHISKEY... *potato guns fire in background*

Eric Snow and JadakissThe old wily veteran and the guy that just looks old. Jadakiss likes to pride himself that he's from New York... Yonkers to be exact, and he's always carrying around guns. He is one tough dude. Eric Snow likes to pride himself in being the first person to be burnt on the court. And likes to scream in the middle of playoff huddles to pump people up... or something (I don't think it worked). Snow also likes to pride himself in being a solidier. And apparently when you're a solider you GRAB YA GUNS, because SOLDIERS RIDE and SHOW DISCIPLINE. I'm trying to think of more similar things between these two... maybe Eric Snow's jumpers (does he even have a jumper?) sounds like gunshots in the middle of a Jadakiss track, but on a basketball court.

Maybe it's just me, but I think the Cavs are spending too much time in the recording booth, and not enough time on the practice court.