Epic Carnival | Where Sports and Pop Culture Collide: Celebrity Baseball Fan Awards

Celebrity Baseball Fan Awards

by Sooze, Babes Love Baseball

material-stealing bastard.For every big league ball club, there is a celebrity who claims to be their biggest fan. They sit up in the booth, plugging their newest movie and talking away about a bunch of crap no one really wants to hear. The positive side of this distraction is seen and heard only when they are sitting with Buck and McCarver or the other annoying duo, Miller and Morgan. Fans are best left in the stands, famous or no.

The Boston Red Sox. Dane Cook, who I'd like to punch in the face, loves the Red Sox. But not as much as Ben Affleck does! Since the two of them suck like a Kirby vacuum, the coolest celebrity fan award for Boston goes to Denis Leary.

Not only is Leary hilarious and incredibly sexy for a chain-smoking, middle-aged comic who plays a firefighter on tv, he loves baseball. There is absolutely no arguing with me on this subject, so don't even try.

My mustache can bench 300.The Detroit Tigers. If you haven't listened to Jeff Daniels' honky tonk tune about the Detroit Tigers' road to the post season, you must.

There's also Kid Rock (ew) Stephen King (spooky) and Tim Allen, who was pretty awesome as Tim the Toolman Taylor.

However, no matter what generation you are from, whether you loved Magnum PI or Three Men and a Baby, Tom Selleck and his neatly-trimmed mustache sweeps this award from all four. Tom can be often be spotted in the Los Angeles area donning a Hawaiian shirt and a Tigers ball cap. But not in real life.

I'm funny because I'm Jewish!The New York Yankees. This one is tricky, considering the Evil Empire has many rich fans in their counsel, including Nicole Kidman, Chris Rock and Robin Williams. I'll give Billy Crystal the seniority on this one, since he pretty much lives at Yankee Stadium - in the post season. Billy not only has loved watching the Bronx Bombers since his first game in 1956, he actually went to college on a full baseball scholarship.

In 1999, Crystal bought a glove for $239,000, once worn by his hero, Mickey Mantle. Two years later, he used the glove as inspiration to direct the made-for-tv movie 61*, chronicling Mantle and Roger Maris' race to break Babe Ruth's single-season home run record.

I almost gave this one to Bruce Willis, considering his hotness factor. Besides, Sarah Jessica Barbaro may or may not be rabid.

Who can forget Miss Milano, the Dodgers' pitching staff's biggest fan.The Los Angeles Dodgers. Speaking of hotness and scouting pitchers, Alyssa Milano has made it well-known that not only does she love dating ballplayers, she also happens to like fashion. Oh, and baseball.

Milano runs the curiously named MLBlog *Touch 'Em All*, where she writes once or twice a week about cool things like her favorite movies, her line of Touch clothing, as well as answering fans questions about her love of the game.

Plus, as an added bonus, she signs off every post with "PEACE, LOVE and BASEBALL, Alyssa".

A true fan.

The Chicago Cubs. Last, but certainly not least is Cubs fan, Chicago native and God among comics, Mr. Bill Murray, who I am madly in love with.

Being the diehard that he is, Bill had a contract clause while on location in Italy to receive a live satellite feed of all their games during the team's 2003 play-offs run. When Cubs' announcer Harry Carray got sick in 1987, he was one of several celebrities who stepped in to keep it real.

And, he's just f*cking awesome.

I suppose I'll leave the G.W. Bush: Houston Astros Fan analysis for the comments section.

17 comment(s):

Davey said...

I don't know what's better, Cook's shirt or that ridiculous expression on Fallon's face...

Bassmaster said...

So, you have a thing for funny, balding, middle-aged men.

Good to know.

Loren said...

I was under the impression that Stephen King was one of the biggest BoSox fans there was. In Fever Pitch, he tossed the first pitch of opening day and often follows them on their road trips, so I don't know about listing him as a Tigers fan.

Sooze said...

Thanks for pointing that out, Loren. That, I knew and was simply erroneous on my part.

So. You actually watched Fever Pitch, huh?

Lozo said...

Erroneous! Erroneous!

i'm bored at work.

My Hero Zero said...

I'm pretty sure I'm the biggest celebrity Devil Rays fan. My mother was an extra in the original "Rocky," and I'm fairly certain my obituary will one day appear in the newspaper, so I have the "celebrity" part covered. As for being a fan, I've attended about a dozen games, and on at least two occasions didn't root for the other team.

Anonymous said...


But I won't because that article was bad. Dennis Leary is a thief.

You missed the best story about Billy Crystal as well. After Jackie Robinson retired from baseball and was nearly blind, a young Billy Crystal saw Jackie Robinson and helped him cross the street.




Anonymous said...

OR you could be a totally gutless dweeb, and post anonymously...

Wait, you did that already. :p

Sooze said...

Don't be gay, anonymous. Denis Leary is spelled with one n.


P.S. Good for Billy Crystal.


Megs said...

I friggin love anonymous commenters. First of all, Suz is not the type of girl to be bought. Unless, you have tickets to a ballgame. Second, what the hell does Jackie Robinson have to do with the Yankees? Sprout some balls, dude.

Anonymous said...

You can buy off any girl with a pretty pair of shoes.

Also, a good means of bribing any girl is to give her anything with Hello Kitty on it!

Jackie Robinson has everything to do with the Yankees. You see, Robinson is the anti-yankee. He has class and grace yet the yankees are not cool. Jackie Robinson is to the yankees as Brady Quinn is to Jeff Garcia. You see Quinn is a manly he-man who is being falsely accused of being a gay homosexual.

In reality, Jeff Garcia huffs dong and loves it.

In essence what I am saying is that you are lame an I am super cool.




With Malice said...

"Also, a good means of bribing any girl is to give her anything with Hello Kitty on it!"

Ugh. This is getting scary. It would seem that our very-brave-commenter 'Anonymous Boo' dates 12 year olds.

Sooze said...

He or she is kind of starting to grow on me.

With Malice said...

You mean as in 'fondness', or as in 'a growth that needs to be lanced/expunged'?

marea said...

I'll say it...
Anonymous, you are a sexist jerk and a huge wuss for posting all of your sexist jerk rants anonymously.
I bet you still live in your mother's basement. And she probably doesn't let you come upstairs very often.
Shame on you for being so creepy and lame and sexist and stupid, and not having the balls to even let us know who you are.

Andrew said...

I find this funny.

I mean really. Anybody who doesn't call Denis Leary some form of the Boston Carlos Mencia? They lose four letter grades on the post.

Yes. That means it's an F.

Bill Hicks FTW!

Sooze said...

God what a bitch.

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