Honoring Pro Sports Infamy Via Tees II

by , Pacman Jonesin'

Last week, my first post here on Epic Carnival was "Honoring Pro Sports Infamy Via Tees", a piece featuring fictional fan-giveaway days. Since the post was pretty well received, and since there are so many more dumbshit athletes out there to ridicule, it's time to get back up on this horse at least once more. Here are some gameday promotions professional sports franchises would be stupid not to run...

The List Part II

St. Louis Rams - "Leonard Little's DUI Day"

Football fans and beer go together like Little and drunken demolition derby. Enjoy the mug and the game, just don't drive ripped afterwards and kill anyone. Killing people isn't cool (dogs either). Besides, you can't afford Little's lawyers.

Chicago Cubs - "Steve Bartman Fuck Up The Series Night"

I think Cubbies fans can laugh at this now that we all now it was Moises Alou's piss-soaked hands -- not Bartman! -- that lost Game Six, and ultimately the 2003 NLCS. No? If this event happens, please promise not to murder the guy, OK? You Chicagoans have more class than the folks in Detroit and Philly (I think).

Cincinnati Reds - "Pete Rose 'It Pays To Play' Weekend"

Reds fans, don't be afraid to hit up Great American Ball Park for this jam-packed weekend of baseball and betting. Make sure that you get there early, too, because you might need to bet the new shirt off your back if you hit a string of bad luck, and the supply is limited. Hopefully, none of the umps will be named Donaghy.

Kansas City Chiefs - "The Bam Morris Bag Game"

Simply put -- if you like football and drug trafficking, you won't want to miss this one. You can even wear an orange jumpsuit to Arrowhead Stadium. Just make sure the Chiefs aren't playing the Denver Broncos. Then you'll feel a little like Bam must have during his stint in the can.