How to be Enthusiastic About a Kicker Cheat Sheet

by Andrew, The Grand National Championships.

Kickers. They're why I'm learning to hate fantasy football. I'm in a pay league. And I'm in a league with a sufficient amount of fish. How do you know you're in a sucker league? Two kickers get drafted Round 6 last year. Robbie Gould was not one of them.

I didn't win my league last year. The enemies list is Nixonian. And I will bury David Garrard.

But before I go down to Jacksonville and hurt people, how about a hot and fresh cheat sheet, huh?

Top of the Pops

One and One-A are kind of interchangable for you. For me? It's Shayne Graham as One and Adam Vinatieri as One-A. If you're in a league like mine, forget them. But they're reasonably talented in great offenses. They should be near the top of the charts. But don't reach.

A man with his own Echelon.

Nate Kaeding. Kickers are such a hodgepoge that Kaeding's by himself has the number three slot by far. Norv Turner keeps him out of the best of the best discussions. LaDainian keeps him out of the mess of the above average echelon.

The All-Star Jam Session of Decent Kickers.

Jeff Wilkins is the town hooker of fantasy sports, he's been around long enough that everybody's taken a ride. But there's still some boom in the ol' leg. He'll roll out a solid year. Stephen Gostkowski is the obvious breakout candidate. The Patriots are supposed to score 800 points and go 36-0. In turn, Gostkowski will share the love. Neil Rackers will be good again. Solid. Unspectacular. Not the sexy, but he'll be reliable.

Say it with me, the #1 kicker from the season before will fall off. Robbie Gould will fall off. Jason Elam and Matt Stover are one in the same. Old reliable kickers who make fine starters. Elam, in fact has never been below Top 10. Stover? He's in with Jesus. Always a good decision.

David Akers has been bad in the second half of the past two years. He is still draftable, but be watchful, and vigilant on this pick. Josh Brown has a leg that's big and clutch. There are worries about the veracity of the offense, but for kickers, that's not such a bad thing.

Here's where I go off the rails. I like the Packers Kicker 12th. I sincerely do. The Packers have themselves an offensive situation that is like Karl Rove's opinion of Hillary Clinton. Strong but flawed. They will move the ball, and they will bog down. This kicker is the beneficiary. Mason Crosby is your favorite.

It's hard out there for a comedy analysis pimp. 13-20 to get the rent.

13. Josh Scobee (Pro Football Prospectus loves him in a way that makes Tony Dungy very uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable.)
14. Joe Nedney (The San Fransisco offense seems to be an emerging solution. Venure Capital here could pay some nice dividends.)
15. Olindo Mare (I hate him. I hate all that for which he stands for too. But a better offense and a dome helps him bounce back.)
16. Jeff Reed (I'm just going to link to my interpretation of Deadspin's piece on Jeff Reed and move on.)
17. Mike Nugent (The Nuge! If you must have any back-up kicker to yell random classic songs of the 70's at? Make it Mike Nugent.)
18. John Kasay (John Kasay reminds me of when Bill Simmons wrote for the Jimmy Kimmel show. Did you know he did that? Ask him. He'll be happy to tell you all about it.)
19. Rob Bironas (Actually beat out a cooler name than his in the immortal Ola Kimrin. Ola is the Bjorn Nittmo of this generation. +3 Dirk of Obscure refences is mine!)
20. Rian Lindell (He has the highest career field goal percentage in Bills history. Little known fact? His parents are real douchebags. Ryan with an I. I mean come on!)

This fills the 12 team requirement.

21. Jay Feely
22. Jason Hanson
23. Ryan Longwell
24. Lawrence Tynes
25. Martin Gramatica