I Don't Care Who Gives Up No. 756

by Lozo, Why Don't We Get Drunk And Blog?

I can't believe how dumb people are. I was watching some Cold-Report-Around-The-Pizza ... Face-Off-The-Interruption thing today, and two idiots were discussing how embarrassing it will be for whatever pitcher gives up No. 756. "Imagine having to walk around with that on your head for the rest of your life," one intellectual said.

I scoffed. Who cares what Mike Greenberg thinks? But then I saw a disturbing report.

It was a bunch of major-league pitchers, including Brad Penny, talking about how, yes, they would be embarrassed to give up No. 756.

My question is this -- who cares?

People are stupid. They really are. What's more embarrassing -- giving up No. 756 or letting the World Series roll through your legs? Or how about crumbling to the point where you can't pitch anymore? Or how about giving up a homer, any homer, to Jason Tyner?

Quick -- who gave up the hit to extend Joe DiMaggio's hitting streak to a record 45 games? Does it matter? I think he was Asian. His name was Hoo Fuching Cares.

Why doesn't this strange fascination with the people who give up a record-breaker extend to other facets of life? Who was the goalie that let up Wayne Gretzky's 802nd goal? Who was covering Wilt Chamberlain the night he scored 100 points? Who missed the tackle on Eric Dickerson when he gained his 2,004th yard? No clue on that last one.

No one knows because Hoo Fuching Cares. Every goal Gretzky scored counted as one. Every point Chamberlain scored counted as one. And every yard Dickerson gained counted as one. And every homer Bonds hit counted as one.

So major-league pitchers -- grow a pair. Hoo Fuching Cares if you give up 756. Sports talking heads -- shut your pieholes. Hoo Fuching Cares what pitcher gives up 756. Just like every homer before it, it will count as 0.0013227513227513226 of his total. How about getting on Greg Maddux, who have given up 8 of Barry's 755?

Oh, but he is to be lauded for "going after" Bonds. And that's the other thing -- if you don't pitch to Bonds, you're a coward. But if you give up 755 or 756, you are forever labeled as the guy who gave up that homer, and according to some, they would rather never appear in the majors at all than be Clay Hensley, the guy who gave up 755.

If that's not stupid, I don't know what is.