Epic Carnival | Where Sports and Pop Culture Collide: Jonathan Lee Riches Strikes Again; Sues Bonds, Selig and a Bat

Jonathan Lee Riches Strikes Again; Sues Bonds, Selig and a Bat

by DCScrap, Our Book of Scrap

Yes, a bat. Hank Aaron's bat to be precise. The same guy who we chronicled here at Epic Carnival back on July 27th for suing Michael Vick for $63 billion because Vick has alleged ties to Al-Qaeda has now set his sights on the Home Run King himself, as well as Commissioner Bud Selig, and Hank Aaron's bat. This time though, he only wants $42 million.

According to the Smoking Gun,

The federal prisoner/habitual litigant recently scored headlines with his insane $63 billion lawsuit against Michael Vick (who allegedly stole Riches's dogs, sold them on eBay, and used the proceeds to buy weapons from the Iranian government). Riches, who is doing a decade in prison for fraud, is at it again, this time filing a loony--though quite funny--complaint again Barry Bonds, baseball commissioner Bud Selig, and Hank Aaron's bat. In his lawsuit, Riches, pictured in the below mug shot, weaves an intricate conspiracy theory involving television ratings, steroids, the cracking of the Liberty Bell, Colombian narco-terrorists, and secretly recorded conversations for which journalists Robert Novak and Judith Miller have transcripts.
The fact that he is nuts is not at issue, but he must have some intelligence since he managed to file his lawsuits in 15 separate federal jurisdictions in what appears to be an effort to avoid sanctions over the filing of frivolous lawsuits.

In his customary had-written complaint, Riches states, among other things, that the two baseball men and the bat are guilty of "bat assault, HGH violations, treason, major fraud, skimming the books, illegal moonshine, terrorism, social security fraud, stalking, identity theft, copyright infringement, false information, illegal electronic wiretapping, and bad debt."

He also states that Barry Bonds and Bud Selig are in a "conspiracy to boost television ratings" and that Selig has been secretly giving steroids to Bonds for four years under the supervision of Sammy Sosa.

Another accusation states that Bonds uses Hank Aaron's corked bat and stores his HGH in secret chambers within the bat.

And the toppers are the facts that he accuses Bonds of bench-pressing him against his will to show off for his ballpark buddies and that Bonds gave Saddam Hussein mustard gas.

Stay tuned to the TV and Internet, as I am sure that FOX News will be reporting on this story as breaking news about 10 to 14 days from now.

(UPDATE: It has now come to light that he has also sued
Lebron James, Michael Vick, Wayne Gretzky, Michael Jordan, Joe Montana, Tony Montana (yes, Tony...), Mickey Mantle, and Allen Iverson. Link to the story.)

Click the documents to view them at a larger size.



3 comment(s):

Sooze said...

Sweet, sweet illegal moonshine.

sager said...

That's the picture that will be in Webster's Dictionary next to "cracker-ass cracker."

yojoe said...

He has now sued LaBron James and MJ.

http://dreadnaught.wordpress.com/tag/jonathan-lee-riches/

yojoe


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