Kyle Lohse Does Not Exactly Inspire Confidence

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

Earlier this week, the Phillies made a minor move before the deadline that got them a fair amount of credit among baseball cognoscenti. They picked up Kyle Lohse, a right-handed starting pitcher with a plus arm and so-so results, from the Reds for an unheralded minor league lefty.

Lohse has post-season experience with the Twins, is an 8-year veteran, and has actually pitched fairly well for the Reds this season. His 6-12 record and 4.58 ERA certainly don't seem good, but Cincy is a bandbox, he's had very little run support, and in his last five starts, he's 3-2 with a 3.27 ERA.

Considering the Phillies have been throwing overmatched kids into the fray like it's the Western Front circa 1917, and that the price to get him was pretty cheap, this was a small moment for the fan base. A sign that the team was going to fight the good fight.

Maybe pitching coach Rich Dubee could find a flaw and harness the goodness in Lohse. Hope springs eternal, after all, and most people seem optimistic on their first day at a new job.

Then Phillies GM Pat Gillick stepped up to the mic... and said the following. Note: these are all real quotes.

... he takes his turn

A laudable quality.

If you are three.

For an adult, and a man who is being paid to pitch... not so much.

He takes his turn? Does he also say please and thank you and not make poopy in his pants?

... we needed someone to pick up the slack

Wow! There's only about 2,000 guys in the world that can do that!

... we thought he would be a good addition

Left unsaid: we were wrong. Without even seeing him pitch, we know he's going to break our heart and widdle on the carpet. Someone keep Pat away from sharp objects for a while.

... he provides depth

Yes, adding another person who does the same thing as what other people do is providing depth. Now, Pat, please -- where do we send our playoff deposits?

... fills a role

We're suspecting, given Gillick's ringing endorsement here, that the roles being considered are Scapegoat, Cannon Fodder, Ballast and Pitcher to be DFA'd Later.

But maybe we're being too quick to judge here. Maybe Gillick is actually a master motivator, getting into Lohse's comfort zone, trying to shake him up a bit to pitch angry and really get more out of his talent.

Yeah, that's it. Let's see what Lohse himself had to say in response to being called the pitching equivalent of a Special Olympics Participant. I bet he comes out with fire in the belly, like he's the Iron Sheik screaming about Hulk Hogan. Come on Kyle, show us what you got!

...My numbers are what they are.

Ladies and gentlemen, the first Phillies SP that we can confirm has a methadone habit.

Welcome to town, Kyle. There's a room at the Y waiting for you.

PM Update -- Lohse's debut in a Phillies uniform... 1 inning, 2 hits, 1 ER, 1 BB, 2 HBP, and a line drive off the arm that ended his day, a la Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield) in Caddyshack.

Now that's what I call Providing Depth *and* Filling A Role!