Report: GUESS WHO LIKES TO PARTY?

by Sterling Gould, More Credible

And it's not Andy Sandberg. This is absolutely, shocking news everyone. Apparently, the Brazilian soccer team weren't taking the World Cup matches too seriously this year.

Some Brazilian players returned to the hotel drunk after being given time off between matches during the 2006 World Cup, according to the president of the Brazil's soccer confederation.

A year after Brazil's quarterfinal elimination in Germany, Ricardo Teixeira said a group of players lacked discipline during the World Cup, but did not mention anyone specifically, the Estado de S. Paulo newspaper reported Wednesday.

"There were players who arrived between 4 and 6 in the morning, drunk," Teixeira said.

Teixeira also criticized Ronaldo for being out of shape during the competition.

No shit? Ronaldo? Who else has a song dedicated to him? Ahem*

He's big! He's round!
He's worth a million pounds!
He's Ronaldo!

"How can an athlete arrive for a World Cup weighing 98 kilograms (216 pounds)?" he said, adding that it would be acceptable to him if coach Dunga stopped including the 30-year-old forward for the national team.

Two bucks and change?! Christ! I'm surprised the fans weren't armed with harpoons ready to strike Moby Dick out there. What's he eating? Small children? Locks of Ronaldinho's hair? Man, you'd think the World Cup's all time leading goal scorer would be... you know... athletic.

I understand "kicking it back" and taking it easy, but Ronaldo has been on that game plan for the last 6 years. And the whole drinking at 4AM thing, what's the big deal? I do that on a normal basis on a school night. For an occasion like the World Cup, I wouldn't even slip back into my hotel room.

Oh, wait, they were competiting? Uhh... maybe they were bored and couldn't find any ladies to score. I mean, when you've won it 5 times, it tends to get boring. Except drunk nights in the slammer. Those never get boring. Just ask Lindsey Lohan.