Epic Carnival | Where Sports and Pop Culture Collide: Scalabrine Has a New Bf

Scalabrine Has a New Bf

by , SimonOnSports

Figured I'd give myself a brief introduction this being my first post at EC. Typically at my site I mix a blend of humor, analysis, predictions, sarcasm, hate and of course the lazy blogger video post. Since most of that stuff is already being covered by other contributors I'm going to bring pretty much straight hate.

Last week must have been hard for one Brian Scalabrine. See three years ago Scalabrine signed a three year 15 million dollar contract to become the token redhead on the Celtics, in addition to being one of the most overpaid useless players in the NBA. Back in 2005 though there was relief for Scalabrine, see no matter how badly he sucked, the fact that the Celtics were irrelevant in Boston and were on verge of a poor season took complete notice off of the redheaded goof. In addition Scalabrine was teamed with two other terrible white players in Raef Lafrentz and Dan Dickau so it couldn't even be brought up that he was the lone white loser on the team.

Now zip forward to 2006 and the Celtics are even worse and while for Scalabrine's sake the Celtics sadly traded away Raef's suckitude at least Wally World was there to be injured the entire season. Yet again the Celtics ineptitude and an additional white scape goat kept the spotlight off of the 6-9 235 pound red-headed sloth despite the fact that he was on the court 19 minutes a game.

Then at the start of the summer everything started to go downhill for Wally. With the draft day trade for Ray Allen, Scals found himself as the loan white player on the roster. He couldn't even claim mystery raced Delonte West as a teammate anymore. He would be the loan white loser on mediocre and slightly relevant roster. Ouch.

And last week was the beginning of a nightmare for Scals. The Celtics were the talk of the town. With KG, Ray Ray and Pierce they could win the east. Now everyone was going to watch Celtics games, now everyone would know just how badly Brian Scalabrine sucked. At this point he had to do something, he had to somehow make his terrible play slip under the radar yet again. It was time to get Danny to toke the same magic sauce that landed him a 15 million dollar contract. Who could he possibly turn to, who could be a more horrendous and useless white player on their roster. Scals knew the answer and smoked up Danny this weekend, and today Scott Pollard is your newest and worst white member of the Boston Celtics in addition to being Boston's newest Pro Drug sponsor.

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