Tight End Cheat Sheets and the Most Hilarious Sexual Harrassment Ever

by Andrew, The Grand National Championships

Have you all had a motivational speaker come to your school? Did they back in your day? Well, I had former Minnesota Viking Keith Nord drop in and talk to us about life. And as it turns out that Pro Football Players can be cornered by sexually predatory women? And Keith Nord got himself harrassed.

"What position do you play? Tight end?" She asked with a goose and a fluorish.

Okay, it's funnier if you do a bad Will Ferrell doing a bad Harry Caray and ask that question. But that's not the point. The point is. You get a Tight End Cheat Sheet now. Be happy.

Top of the Pops

It is clearly Antonio Gates. He will still be Phillip Rivers' main target. And with Vincent Jackson's emergence, they can't focus on him either. He'll likely go in the 25 to 30 range. (Early to late 3rd, depending on teams.) Tony Gonzalez is the #1 receiver of a bad team. He will be overdrafted. He's a #2 style receiver, and as Tight Ends go? It still means the end of round 4 and 5. But he falls early in Round 4.

The Muddled Second Tier
Todd Heap is well liked by Steve McNair. He knows how to use his tight ends well. He is technically Baltimore's #1. But Mark Clayton's only going to get more catches (Thus Heap is second tier). You want a good post hype sleeper? Chris Cooley is that man. It's year two of the Al Saunders offense, and Cooley really didn't get going until Campbell started starting games. I know it's weird to have a tight end be overrated, but for all intents and purposes, Jeremy Shockey is. All Jeremy does is not catch touchdowns. (The magazines have him as Gates equal. Really.)

Alge Crumpler isn't going to experience much of a drop-off from Vick to Joey Harrington. Neither one could pass very well. Crumpler will thusly be decent. Vernon Davis is your obvious breakout candidate. I don't believe he'll be Gates, but he could be 900-7. It's good sauce. A spicy meataball if you will. Kellen Winslow is a poor man's Alge Crumpler. But the athleticisim is solid. He's a worthy #8.

Hello Mediocre Starter/Good Back-Up My Old Friend
9. L.J. Smith (He's...okay. Not great. Just okay.)
10. Jason Witten (60 catches. 1 Touchdown. That's not good unless you're in favor of the PPR league.)
11. Randy McMichael (He may not fall off as much as you think. He's caught 70 balls in Miami, and he may be better than Issac Bruce at this late date. It's an okay situation.)
12. Dallas Clark (He may finally, finally get to a Marcus Pollard level of production. Well done, champ.)
13. Owen Daniels (You're Matt Schaub. You're running for your life. Andrew Johnson's triple covered. You can toss the ball to Kevin Walter or Owen Daniels. Daniels has shown that he can catch the ball. Kevin Walter is dollar tree Kevin Curtis. Am I saying sleeper? Yes. Yes I am.)
14. Heath Miller (There's trust there, but he may not be near as good as hoped after his first season. Good bounce-back candidate? Perhaps.)
15. Ben Watson (A rising tide may lift all boats, but this boat may not be near as high as the others. He'll catch the look off scores.)
16. Eric Johnson (If he's healthy, he can catch the rock and move the ball on down the field. He's not often healthy.)

Fodder and filler (THE BYE WEEK REPLACEMENTS ARE IMPORTANT- STEPHEN A. SMITH)
17. Tony Scheffler
18. Desmond Clark
19. David Martin
20. Marcus Pollard
21. Marcedes Lewis
22. Daniel Graham
23. Ben Troupe
24. Bo Scaife
25. G-reg of the 7th Floor Crew.