What If Dog Fighting Were a Legitimate 21st Century Sport?

by Kirk, PartMule

Imagine a bizarro world where the illegal, underworld sports that the world has recently come to know and hate were legal and sanctioned by the public. Cock fighting, dog fighting, cat juggling, spear fishing…you name it. Now, go a step further and imagine the underbelly of these sports having a make up similar to today’s stable of top tier sports – the NFL, MLB, NBA, NHL, and PBA (yes, as legit as bowling).

Full cast of coaches, announcers, media, and celebrity status were bestowed upon these games. Triumph, defeat, and the entire spectacle were part of sport lore and even blogged about. The bizarro world would be just plain....well…bizarre.

A few quotes and potential stories to ponder...

“Down Goes Fluffy! Down Goes Fluffy!” - Howard Cosell’s emphatic call as cocker spaniel Tinkerbell Foreman tears the ear off of Fluffy Frazier and is knocked to the dirt pit during World Dog Fighting Championship match in Kingston, Jamaica in 1973.

“I do not believe what I just saw!” - Jack Buck astounded when he called the World Series of Cock Fighting where Billy the red-speckled-brown-ass cock pokes out the left testicle of Jimmy “I’m really not that much of a” cock, cock.

Dog Fighting League (DFL) owner Ron Mexico was indicted today on conspiracy charges for running an illegal baseball ring out of his home in Virginia. Rumors are that the indictment contains evidence linking Mexico to the execution of baseball players that hit under a .200 average. The DFL has not decided on a course of action.

Referee Phil McCrevis was charged today for illegally fixing pencil fights. A five-year FBI investigation is vast and deep. Executives at Ticonderoga are said to be involved and excused of juicing certain #2 stock, which were later used in the illegal pencil fights in question.

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