Why Your Team Won't Win The Big 12 North: Kansas Jayhawks

by Kyle Smith, Doberman On The Diamond

Here at Epic Carnival, we have a little series going called Why Your Team Won't Win _____. Basically, it serves as an outlet to denigrate somebody else's team, and hopefully crush their spirits in the process.

Today, we will be dissecting the Kansas Jayhawks football team, and telling you why they will not win the Big 12 North (shocking prediction, I know).

- Last year's Big 12 leading rusher, Jon Cornish, is now a Calgary Stampeder.

- They have players named Aqib Talib, Olaitan Oguntodu, Maxwell Onyegbule and Sadiq Muhammed. No way they all get through airport security to get to games.

- The football budget went into hiring the fathers of players the basketball team is recruiting.

- Your head coach looks like the Kool-Aid Man would, if the Kool-Aid Man were human and wore blue.

- They have players named Aqib Talib, Olaitan Oguntodu, Maxwell Onyegbule and Sadiq Muhammed. No way they all get through airport security to get to games.

- Their non-conference schedule consists of Central Michigan, Southeastern Louisiana, Florida International and Toledo. If anything will get you prepared to play at Texas A&M, it's a home game against the Central Michigan Chippewas.

- They lost 3 starters on the offensive line.

- Not even the coaching staff has figured out who the quarterback will be.

- They have won 2,6,4, 7 and 6 games in the past 5 years. Why should anything change now?

VIEW OTHERS IN THE E.C. "WHY YOUR TEAM WON'T WIN" SERIES