by dswinder, Sons of Sam Malone
I offer up the most feigned sincere condolences I can muster to all Florida fans, both bandwagon and true. I hate to break it to you, but your severe case of cockiness is going to receive a major blow in the coming season. I don't know how to put this nicely, but you're not winning a big game. Period. I know, I know, it stings, I know. Trust me I've been there, but I'm not going to even attempt to fake like I know 100% where you're coming from. You see, I never had a problem of being a member of the arrogant bastardly nation that is Gators fans. As a fan I've always been in close contact with this little six letter word that you may not have heard of. Humble. That's why it's going to be so sweet this year to rub in the fact that you, Florida, are done. Done before you even get started.
Tim Tebow is nothing without overrated Chris Leak to help him along. You tell me, has a home schooler ever led a team to a SEC Championship, let alone a BCS title? Now don't get me wrong. If the Gates decide they want to leave the SEC and head out to the greener pastures of The University of Phoenix Online Conference, then they've got a real shot at some success...Otherwise, it ain't happenin'. Tim Tebow has yet to prove he can throw the ball. Sure, he has good career numbers, but I'm not too sure 33 passing attempts is much of a sample size. Ol' Timmy boy won't be able to plow it up the gut every time he touches the ball this season; not if Florida, you know, actually wants to play football. Tim really has nothing to worry about though. Win or lose, he still lays claim to the "Biggest Breasted Girlfriend in the History of Sheltered Children Title". Congrats Mr. Tebow!
On top of the whole quarterback thing, there's this little minute detail of only nine returning starters. Included in that nine are six offensive and three defensive starters returning to Urban Meyer's squad. Only one (Tony Joiner - safety) of the three returning defensive players actually started every game last year.
Florida, as always, has to play the tough SEC schedule. The Gators have to hit the road for both LSU and South Carolina, both of which will prove to be too much for the "rebuilding" Florida squad. It only gets worse from there. The Gates will see Tennessee, Auburn, and Florida State come into the Swamp, all looking to knock off the defending National Champs, and then there's always the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party in Jacksonville, where the Gators will try to knock off Mark Richt's Georgia Bulldogs (don't count on it). However, it is good to see that Florida isn't afraid of a tough non-conference schedule, with Western Kentucky, Troy State, and Florida Atlantic all coming into the Swamp. Urban sure scheduled some powerhouses there.
Come on guys, it won't be that bad...Get your head up...Let me see that smile. Hey, who else in the nation will be able to boast about playing in a bowl game named for their school. So turn that frown upside down. Let 'em hear it. "Look out Gator Bowl. Here we come!" I mean, you may lose to NC State, but at least you can say you played hard.
I promise, there is nothing to fear, University of Florida. After all, a loss is just that, a loss...It's sure as hell not anything that can't be toked away, and we all know the Gates are good at that...Puff, puff, pass Florida...Puff, puff, pass...
VIEW OTHERS IN THE E.C. "WHY YOUR TEAM WON'T WIN" SERIES
Monday, August 27, 2007
Why Your Team Won't Win a Big Game: Florida Gators
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38 comment(s):
Where did Tebow meet that giant rack with a face? When you're home schooled where do you meet those precious high school girls who feel obligated to put your johnson in their mouths to compensate for their own low esteem and self worth?
And if there is one thing that we're certain about it's that Chris Rainey enjoys Tebow's girlfriend because he is afterall a white girl man.
Wait. Is that an attack on NCSU? Or a prediction that the Wolfpack will make it to the Gator Bowl? If it's the latter, I love it. Former, grrrr.
Oh man, after reading this, I'm already ready for that 3-9 season. The Gator Nation will be in great despair after a crushing loss to Troy in Week 2.
Woe is us! By the way, I have to get some action on the UF/UT game.
More Cred...If action you want, action you will get...What are the stakes? And btw, I plan on coming down to Gainesville for that game...
$10 and the loser has to post how amazing the other's school is on their respected sites.
And if you're down, I'll buy you a drink.
Sounds good...You're on...
I read this same shit about USC in 02-03. I guess we will see if rivals ans scout have any clue as to their recruiting rankings, having UF #1 or 2 two years in a row.
Talk is cheap but championships speak forever!!! Keep blogging all you wanna bees!!!
we're actually doing this for a lot of teams, but thanks for reading...Keep reading anonymously...
Your one to talk bitch:
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haha...Jesus people...Go back to your shanties...
not to mention dswinder is kinda...ya know...a name...so...yeah...stay anonymous
if you're really desperate to view my profile, perv, check it out...it's public now...it's not like there's anything on it anyway...
Cute attempt to link the Gators with the Gator Bowl. Too bad that it's a Big East-ACC bowl game. Tard.
Also, way to conveniently leave off FSU when mentioning the out-of-conference schedule. Check your facts next time before you talk smack.
You play FSU every year...Regardless...and the Gator Bowl reference was made as a joke...You guys will be lucky to make the Music City Bowl.
Tebow has never passed? Yeah right. He only owns the Florida High School passing record.
What an idiot you are. Jealous?
UF replaced 9 starters...do did Ohio State last year, and look how they did.
You talk about being humble...what are you: a Nole or Vol? Either way, you can't beat UF and will have another humble year.
Hahaha, you know as much about college football as my 2 year old niece. You could really make thousands this year if you put your money where your mouth is because it seems Las Vegas doesn't know as much as you...
What a moron!!!
There is a reason you are a blogger and not a journalist. You suck as a writer and have nothing to base your writing on.
It's a good thing you are humble, because the Gator Nation is going to keep reminding you of how much of a moron you are.
"Urban sure scheduled some powerhouses there"
Idiot. Urban doesn't schedule the teams.
We played the same amount of cupcakes last year and still had the toughest schedule in the NCAA. What is your point? I guess you need to add FSU to that cupcake list, as they are going to suck again.
Your football knowledge couldn't land you a job as a pop warner coach. They would laugh you off of the field.
You are an ubber nerd. You think you know sports. You can type the names properly, and that is about it. You have no clue.
Hahahaha. Another reason I'm a blogger and not a journalist: I'm a student. Have fun when you get back from your lunch break at Kinkos.
Look for Florida to go 5-3 in the SEC.
So, was it hard getting the whole congregation of Gator Nation together to collectively write this amazingly thought out comment? I am an UBBER nerd...Niiiiiice...Words being invented just for me...
Hey brain trust of of Gator Nation...You guys may want to check this out too...It'll be fun seeing the attitude change when you aren't in defense mode. Oh yeah, in case you were wondering...Go Vols!!!
http://www.epiccarnival.com/2007/08/why-your-team-wont-win-sec-tennessee.html
What a waste of a few minutes I spent reading this factless, moronic blog. Next time, do some research before writing about teams you know nothing of. You'll be seeing the Gators in Atlanta in December, book it...oh and the Gator bowl isn't even SEC teams.
I have lost IQ points after reading this.
What an idiot. I love how defensive you are after everyone criticizes you. That proves the point of how clueless you really are.
You are a Vol fan. No wonder you are humble and have such a hatred towards UF. You can't win. You hate the fact that your coach is a fat ass that is more interested in food than football.
When was the last time UT won anything of importance? 1998. During that time, you have had to endure watching the Gators win SEC crowns, national championship crowns, BCS victories, and in the off season, you had to watch as the Gators won more national titles.
It must really suck to be a Vol fan.
UT - a woman's college. The women's athletic department is very good, the men's department is a joke. Vandy beat you in football. VANDY. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.
VANDY.
I was going to post about this guy being a total idiot but OMG i can't get past the boobs
Oh my goodness, it would appear as though I showed up at just the right time. It seems to me that all of the Gator fans out there, especially anonymous...that bitch, are really defensive about how they think their team will do. If you think they're going to be so good then let their game speak for itself and then come back and rub our faces in it. I must say though that I agree with Smitty aka dswinder. Ya Florida will start off winning their first few games but about the time they meet the Tennessee Volunteers they will get a cold slap in the face. That's when thing will snowball and turn into a losing season. And just for the record, the gator bowl comment was just a joke, so don't get so uptight about it. Read dswinder's comments before you say something that has already been said about 40 times already.
-THE DON (go Hokies)
Hope you're around to eat your share of humble pie. Can't wait to serve it up to you while I watch the Gators defend their SEC Championship in Atlanta. Dude.
Looks like Kirk Herbstreit disagrees with you...he ranks Tebow as the #2 dual threat QB in the country. He also goes on to pick the Gators to win the SEC east. Oh well, I guess "just another" internet blogger probably knows more about college football than an ESPN an analyst. I am now a little more stupid from reading this blog.
I would be willing to bet that MOST people, yes, that more than likely includes you, know more than Herbstreit. Give me Mark May, and then I've give it some credence.
The Gator Nation is making their voice heard loud and clear from what it sounds like Dustyn...
I wish the UT faithful would've commented so much on MY "bold prediction"... I can't wait for my winnings of the bet. If you decide to come down to Gainesville, let me know so I can give you my number.
dswinder, you're an idiot... and completely jealous of the Florida Gators. You can say nothing about how Tebow throws, you haven't seen him. You can't knock him for not throwing last year, with a four year starter there before him. Back up some of your predictions with facts.
We'll be back in several weeks to give you a circle jerk and make you swallow this brainless jabber.
p.s. check out my "homepage." I have a pic of your chick on there...just click "the flea" above.
What is really funny is that this site has UF picked to win the SEC East.
That's b/c this site is comprised of a hell of a lot of writers...And that SEC preview was done by a guest writer...
haha...problem is, not only are you wrong, but this isn't a forum to be taken seriously...You however are lacking in testicular fortitude...So congrats anonymous...
This is starting to get violent.
Hey, atleast I picked up my tickets for the Western Kentucky game today! The student shirts this year look awful.
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