by Sterling Gould, More Credible
Maybe I’m not going to far out on a limb by saying this, but I have a feeling Vol fans are in for a rude awakening this season. Their Coach Philip Fulmer has been on the hot seat for the last three years, and it looks to be like it’ll stay that way after the 2007 season. For starters, Fat Phil just lost his prized running back LaMarcus Coker for using uhh… *cough *cough, psychedelic stimulants. Coker was their homerun back, with speed that wasn’t seen in Knoxville since they let Fulmer loose at an All-you-can-eat buffet at KFC. Now UT will hand off its starting tailback position to Arian “McFumble” Foster. Fulmer was quoted as saying “We’ll find ways to get (Coker) the ball”. Now Coker will have to find ways to give his teammates towels… on the sideline.
As if that was bad enough, just think about who Foster will run behind. Tennessee’s offensive line has been mediocre, at best under line coach Greg Adkins. The Vols averaged 109 yards last season on the ground, by far Fulmer’s worst average since he’s been the coach there. And that was with the Jacob’s Award Arron Sears. Oh, don’t they wish they were in the glory days when Fulmer would strap ‘em up and get sloppy in the trenches? Now he’s just getting sloppy at the local BK.
Anyways, another gaping hole for the Vols is at the wideout position. For a school that has been widely referred as “Wide Receiver U”, they’ll now have to work with a receiving unit that would make the 2006 New England Patriots receiver unit blush. Jayson Swain, Bret Smith, and workhorse Robert Meachem bid farewell to the power-T, leaving Erik Ainge with that “last night was great, now where’s my money?” feeling. And although I’m sure Ainge hasn’t stooped to prostitution for sex and purchasing friends who can run fast and catch footballs, I bet the thought has crossed his mind a few times. The Vols biggest threat downfield with the most game experience is junior Lucas Taylor, who has a mind-numbing 14 receptions for his career.
Erik Ainge returns after setting Tennessee’s Single Season completion percentage mark at 67%, but that was with the aforementioned wide receivers. Every once in a while, Ainge does look like a complete quarterback. Good pocket presence, a nice arm with nice accuracy, but Ainge has never been a leader. Outspoken? A tad. Outlandish? Yes, I would say so after doing the “Gator Chomp” during the 3rd quarter of the Tennesse/Florida game up in Knoxville last season. But that was before the Gators took charge of the game, won, and went onto win a National Championship. If Ainge could stop being a jackass, he could be pretty dangerous. Even if he has no one to throw to… does that even make sense?
The defensive side of the ball isn’t too stellar either. The defensive line is rebuilding, with J.T. “Hey guys, I’ll be at Church… for the next two years” Mapu anchoring. Well, that is if you don’t count Xavier Mitchell, who was supposed to be an absolute freak of nature at defensive end last season before he posted an average 4 sacks for the season. The linebackers are solid, but not experienced and are lead by junior Jarod Mayo. And in the secondary is Jonathan Hefney, former High School All-American Eric Berry at corner, and Marsalous (so close to marsala sauce really) Johnson at the other. Considering Berry will have to face receivers DeSean Jackson and Percy Harvin/Andre Caldwell in his first few games, expect the freshman to get torched.
Oh, then there’s the schedule. Ouch. For starters, Tennessee will start on the road at California, who I’m sure aren’t forgetting the ass-whooping they took in Knoxville last year. I’m pretty sure the Bears have had that game circled IMMEDIATELY following the action in 2006. Revenge game? Yeah. Then it’s back to Neyland Stadium for a sub-par Southern Miss. The Vols will win that game for certain and will be a nice tune-up for the pain coming the week after when they visit Florida. The Gators have won the contest between the two powerhouses three years in a row and are approaching the .500 mark for the All-Time series between the two schools. October will be brutal with Georgia, at Mississippi State (you never know), at rival ‘Bama, and Steve Spurrier’s Gamecocks. And Spurrier has always found a way to beat Fulmer’s Vols… even with minimal talent to work with.
The Vols could start the season 2-3.
And if that happens, don’t be surprised to see Fat Phil fired from his head coaching position. And if he does, atleast he’ll have the opportunity to fulfill his dream of being a delivery boy for Pizza Pizza Heaven! in downtown Nashville.
Go ahead and start making your bathtub moonshine Vol fans. You'll be drinking early... and often this season.
VIEW OTHERS IN THE E.C. "WHY YOUR TEAM WON'T WIN" SERIES
Friday, August 17, 2007
Why Your Team Won't Win the SEC: Tennessee Volunteers
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5 comment(s):
Guess you just dont know UT football "Moron". Look for this team to kick the Bears and the Gators asses, Oh does that hurt your little feeling that someone other than Fl could win the SEC;dont matter we will,live with it. 9 players off of the D and you say Fl will spank the Vols,RTFLMAO,you are so funny,just couldnt help notice you are such a homer. You had better start drinking from the tub,idiot because it will be you eating your words along with Phils Krispy Kreme's!!!!
Gutsy effort that... typing it out anonymously.
Ah, that it is. With the anonymous commenter that is (thanks Don).
And no, I'm not going to be upset if someone else wins the SEC. I know Florida isn't the best team in it this season. But they'll compete for it. They'll beat UT because we're playing in the Swamp and UT isn't going to have a real gametime "leader" by then. LSU is going to be hands down the best team in the conference, but I wouldn't have to tell you that if you're a real fan. And yes, I'm quite aware of Florida's defensive departures. Tony Joiner and Derrick Harvey are probably the best players in the conference for their position, so that helps. Linebackers are going to be young, inexperienced.
And I would love to see UT beat the tar out of Cal. I'd welcome it big time. They just don't have what it takes (players, schedule) to win the SEC. Period.
This is a great take on the Vol team.
They have no receivers and a shaky defense.
For the anonymous poster that said you don't know football, well, they need to read more than the Knoxville newspapers. You are saying what most of the media is...UT is not going to be very good.
Coker is back on the team. This needs to be udated. He is the only football player to get popped TWICE for a drug and only serve a one game suspension. I think Meyer even suspended their player two games for smoking weed, and then kicked him off the team for the 2nd positive test. Fulmer gives a one game suspension for 2 positives.
UT's defense has a good DB in their freshman, but he will get burnt often while trying to grow up in the SEC. Harvin and Caldwell from UF will blow by him.
Vol fans, if you don't think UF has speed, then wait until the game and you will see.
As for the 9 starters on defense, don't forget that Ohio State replaced 9 starters on defense and they made it to the National Championship game. Those 9 starers being replaced are being replaced by a bunch of guys that have played before and have game experience. There is only one position where UF doesn't have a lot of experience, and that is at CB.
Great comment there UGA.
Eric Berry is going to have to cover the whole secondary!
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