BACK TO NATURE BOY: A LOOK AT THE EC FANTASY LEAGUE

by Bstone, Brahsome

Each week a member of Brahsome.com will be bringing you an update of the Epic Carnival fantasy league, Epic Carnies League. (Way to be original, somebody.) We will be slamming our fellow writers for their stupid lineup selections, talking about stuff fantasy, and generally engendering hatred for our better than thou attitude. Don't worry, we earned it.

WOOOOOOO! That's right, we're bringing it Ric Flair style today, bitch. Why? Because the Panthers are rumbling, that's why. And the Nature Boy gets on the Jumbotron before every game at BOA stadium and reminds North Cackalackians not to drink and drive...WOOOOOOO. Oh, and because we may or may not have hotboxed the dog piss out of our car before heading into school and then sitting down to right this. (Seriously though, I'm sick as balls today, so this is kind of a force. It's only getting done because I dominated this week in most of my fantasy leagues.)

Anyway, the real reason we thought of Flair is that the Panthers are 2-1 now...and so are we (Urinating Mediocrity) despite leaving DeShaun Foster on our bench this week. Here are the scores from Week 3 in the Epic Carnies League:

Pissing Excellence - 93
3rd & Long Duk Dong - 89

SpongeBobScorePoints - 117
Sheckler Monologues - 114

Picked_Ninth - 116
Vick's Broken Dreams - 77

Sex Cannons - 116
Pervert Clown - 108

The Turnovers - 103
tits and ass - 87

Tanuki - 96
Drive Through Abortions - 80

Hey, Ghosts. How....you...like...us...now? BAM! There's not much to figure out about the first matchup; we're the best team in the league and we beat the second best. Steve Smith and Frank Gore didn't show up for 3rd but Deuce McAllister tore his ACL in the first half on Monday Night for us. If we start Foster (as we should have) then we turn this into a f*cking dogpile. Believe dat.

Sheckler Monologues lost a heartbreaking shootout to SpongeBobScorePoints, 117-114. SBSP did this on the back of the suddenly resurgent (for a week or two anyway) Ronnie Brown, who racked up 200 total yards and three touchdowns. Boo-f*cking-ya. Guess who else had over 200 yards this past week? Kevin goddamn Curtis, that's who. And, you'll never believe this, but Sheckler Monologues had them on the bench. Instead of calling him a moron, join me in pointing and laughing. I bet that was a fun first half of football on Sunday.

Vick's Broken Dreams continued it's unspeakably bad play (except when he plays us!), laying the official Turd of the Week with a 77. In good news, he didn't make any stupid lineup decisions. That's a lot easier when your whole teams sucks. Delhomme is hurt now, and while the team looks alright if you think about it pre-draft, the bench is just embarrassing. Hasselback and Boldin carried Picked_Ninth to a big day. It's pretty ridiculous that he left Larry Johnson in the starting lineup against the Vikings. What were you expecting? LJ to stop sucking against the best rush D in the NFL? Come on. LenDale White would have been a better start.

It's a good thing Pervert Clown got a big game out of it's system, because a few more injuries to Brian Westbrook and we can safely write this season off. Hopefully no one else will think to pick their WR corps clean before I do. Seriously though, it does suck to have Westbrook on your team and be playing someone with McNabb last week, which is exactly what the Sex Cannons were. Still doesn't make it less f*cking embarrassing to lose to a team whose second highest scorer is Jeff Reed.

Does anyone remember what round tits and ass took Brett Favre in? Oh right. Motherf*cking 18th overall. At least the good thing about reaching 9 rounds too early on a player like Favre is that you know you love him too much too ever put him on the bench, right? What? Oh. That's awkward. The Turnovers continued to dominate but you can take this team out of the playoff picture with Steven Jackson and his tore groin. Couple that with Andre Johnson and it's going to be a lot tougher to make the dance.

Tanuki went to 3-0 on the strength of Palmer, Addai, Gates and Nick Folk? Dangerous team that Tanuki. Meanwhile, the Drive Through Abortions inexplicably benched Witten for Eric Johnson (seriously, wtf?) but more than anything found out that Drew Brees sucks monkey nuts. Their season is just about over. If I'm this team, I'm trading Randy Moss while his value is absurd.

Next week we'll try and actually delve into some potential matchup and playoff analysis. After LT finally blows up and we can really start gloating.