Byron Leftwich: The Eligible Bachelor QB That Can Help Your Team

by Stan, Ghosts of Wayne Fontes

He's tall, he's handsome, he can go deep - and I mean deep - and he is available for the taking. Sure, he's not exactly fleet footed, agile, mobile, hardly makes sound decisions, isn't particularly durable and does stand on towers of cement that he calls legs. However, are we really going to split hairs here about pros and cons? Look, there isn't a QB on waivers today that you can't find some fatal flaw with. If they were perfect they'd obviously be suiting up this week or at least holding a clipboard.

However, I'm not here to give you dissertation of mockery on my man, Byron Leftwich. I'm not here to expose the warts and all, like the fact that Leftwich takes less flack for his man boobs than Phil Mickelson and should be called Left Tits. No sir, I am here to explain why Byron Leftwich can help some team, maybe your team, win football games this season. And he is the last available option left on the board for any team in need of a QB. So, let's take a look at what exactly he brings to the table and what teams might be interested.

Baltimore Ravens
Early reports indicate that the Baltimore Ravens aren't too pleased with Steve McNair...really? I wonder if it was the 4 turnovers on MNF or the fact he peaked about 4-5 years ago that has turned them off of "Air McNair." Yet, the simple deterrent for the Ravens should be Kyle Boller, who may not be the answer they'd like to hear. However, how much more can they really get out of Byron Leftwich. Is he somehow a world better than both McNair and Boller?

I should think not, and again we are talking about a statue in the pocket with Leftwich. Um, considering the Ravens offensive line woes on Monday night and now the loss of Jonathan Ogden, Byron ain't moving at free will back there. Sure, he is protected by a "decent" set of WR's and steady RB's in Smith and McGahee. However, why would Leftwich choose basically the same situation he had in Jacksonville? He'd be amidst a QB competition where there would not only be one eligible suitor to replace him, but two in both Boller and McNair looking over his shoulder?

Doesn't seem like win-win scenario for Leftwich. Besides didn't the Ravens just re-up Boller?

Atlanta Falcons
Hmm, what if any positives does that provide. Leftwich would be following up the still bitter taste of the Michael Vick era, which ain't the best shoes to fill. Have you seen the Atlanta offense? Have you seen Atlanta in general? That is a team without hope, fans wallowing in their own pity. It's an ugly situation that could take years to resolve. Besides, does Leftwich really want to be that guy who takes away Joey Blue Skies last chance in the NFL? No and no...let's move on.

Cleveland Browns
This seems all too obvious. Again though, Leftwich is looking for a team that can contend immediately. He needs to be in a situation where he can thrive to get back into the good graces with the scouts and his agent. He needs to sign a 1 year deal where he shows maturity, stability and leads a team into the playoffs. Hence, the contract to back-up or start somewhere becomes a reality in the off-season. These hopes and dreams aren't happening in Cleveland. Let Brady Quinn have his moment.

Chicago Bears
On paper it'd be a great fit. He'd join a solid team with realistic Super Bowl aspirations. He'd have a decent plethora of weapons on offense, a rock solid defense, veteran leaders and an experienced coaching staff. This organization is going in the right direction and Left Tits would love to sign on. Yet, there is one obstacle in the way and that is Rex Grossman, whom the Bears as an organization are seemingly too stubborn to admit was and is a catastrophic mistake.

Kansas City Chiefs
Here we go again with line issues and yet, another potential QB controversy. In fact, the Chiefs pretty much have a QB debate already on their hands. Byron Leftwich ain't walking through that door and remedying this situation. His agent should advise him to just stay completely away from this organization, as well as both New York teams. Nothing positive can or will be obtained for Lord Byron based on any of these scenarios. And remember, I am tonly rying to pinpoint what is best for my client Byron.

Minnesota Vikings
Hello! Let's see here; an inexperienced QB that could use at least one more year of tutelage, a splendid offensive line, an offensive minded coach, the west coast offense, the potential rookie of the year in RB Adrian Peterson, a solid and stable defense, two potential deep threats in Troy Williamson and Sidney Rice...this looks good. Doesn't this seem like the best fit or am I crazy?

Leftwich would fill in just admirably in Minnesota and to be honest, potentially we could be looking at a playoff team. They have depth, defense, etc...all the ingredients you need to win, but are lacking a reliable leader at the QB position. No offense to Tarvaris Jackson, but he is NOT leading any team deep in the playoffs, if he can even get a team there. This team is not the 2000 Ravens and thus, there can be no Trent Dilfer story. The Vikings need Leftwich just as much as he needs them.

This just seems like the perfect counter move to the Bears being too stubborn to take a flyer and give up on Grossman. One man's loss is another's gain. Sure, Left Tits ain't gonna remind anybody of the vintage Culpepper and Moss years in Minnesota, but he's gonna help out. After all, remember he is just a one year rental looking for a contract. What's the worst that could happen in that situation, besides me wasting a waiver transaction in my Fantasy League?

Don't answer that, anyhow...I say take the plunge Vikings. It could be the missing ingredient that catapults you past the Bears in the NFC North. Of course, then you'd have to contend with the Detroit Lions for supremecy, but that's another story for another day. For now, I'm planting the notion...Lord Byron can make your season.

Bet you never thought you'd hear that about Left Tits.