CUBS FANS REALLY SHOULDN'T PROCREATE

by Sterling Gould, More Credible

In another one of those "we hate our kids so much, we name them after (blank)", Cub fans Paul and Teri Fields decided to name their newborn baby boy Wrigley. Yep, that's right, Wrigley Fields:

The Fields planned the name for years before their son's birth. Wrigley Alexander Fields was born Sept. 12 at an Indiana hospital. Cubs spokeswoman Katelyn Thrall said the name may be a first. The team has no record of other children named Wrigley, although there have been some children names Zambrano and Ryne after Cubs stars Carlos Zambrano and Ryne Sandberg.

Oh, so there are other parents out there that hate their children too? You'd think they'd practice safer sex options to avoid unwanted pregnancies in the wonderful state of Illinois.

I'm almost positive that awful names are the leading cause of death for teenage suicide. True story. I saw that once on one of those "Did you know's?" on the back of a McDonald's Happy Meal... so that statistic has got to be credible. So I guess you can expect Wrigley to grow up, hate his parents, despise the game of baseball, and wear black to school everyday. In defiance. "Viva la revolution" assholes.