DUI'S MAKE COACHING HARD

by Sterling Gould, More Credible

To be a coach in the National Football League, you have to be completely devoted to your job. You have to think, sleep, eat, drink, and slurp football. Getting up at 4 in the morning to go to work, and not coming back home until the waning hours of the day. But where's there time to party? If you're Titans Assistant Coach Chuck Cecil, open up some cerveza's, fire up the Cadillac Escalade, crank up the music, and go for a spin:

Chuck Cecil was arrested and charged with drunken driving and violating Tennessee's implied consent law by refusing a blood alcohol test the night before the team's 22-20 loss to Indianapolis. Metro Nashville police stopped Cecil, a former NFL safety and now the Titans' defensive backs coach, for driving 42 mph in a 30-mph zone Saturday night. Officer James T. Cole Jr. wrote that Cecil smelled of alcohol with red, watery eyes. Cecil was unsteady on his feet through several sobriety tests, including stumbling when trying to turn. He put his arms out three times for balance during a one-legged stand and put his foot down after 14 seconds.

Cecil appeared before a night court officer just before midnight and was on the sideline Sunday with the Titans during the loss to Indianapolis.

After a long night of battling the cops, a bottle of Captain Morgan, and the imaginary bullfrog chasing you with the blowdart pipe you hallucinated and Chuck still had the moxy to get to work for the 1 o'clock kickoff? That's my boy! If only Lloyd Carr would of had half the charisma this kid did. Michigan would've gone 1,452,965-0 this season.

The hangover might've made the playcalling a little harder, I mean, especially since you're going up one of the NFL's most prolific offenses. It was a wise decision to have one of those "that guy" nights on the eve of a divisional rival game. And I could only imagine the nightmares Chucky would've had if he was experiencing double vision. Seeing two Marvin Harrison's and Peyton Manning's on the same field would be a real nightmare for any coach. But real kickass coaches don't worry about nightmares or hangovers. They worry about where the celebration party is after the big game. Or is it before the big game? F*ck it, somebody get that guy with the headset another shot of Patron please.