Hail to the Un-Victors

by Sterling Gould, More Credible

So, college football is into it's first week, and we already have an upset that could be one of the greatest of all time. Unless you've taken a Saturday vacation to a coal mine, you know that Appalachian State has upset the University of Michigan 34-32 (which according to that Yahoo! link, ASU is ranked #1?). Michigan looked slow, uninspired, and flat out pathetic against the Mountaineers. Except Mike Hart, who ran for 188 yards on 23 rushes for three scores. Let's review:

1. One of College Football's Premiere programs loses to a former I-AA squad.
2. Michigan has lost it's last three games.
3. LLLLLLLoyd Carr is going to lose his job.

Right now, Big 10 commisioner Jim Delany has to be writing his excuse letter as to why his teams "big boy schools" are losing to Division I-AA teams. I can see it now...

"I love speed, and the uhh... *turns back to his receptionist* (what conference do they play in?... the Southern Conference? What the fuck is that? That has to be a mistake...) *Ahem*. Excuse me, as I was saying, I love speed and although the Southern Conference has speed, they lack the intelligence that the Big 10 has. So... fuck those idiots! Let them be good at football. We'll be model citizens... I think?"

Oh Jimmy... you are the kidder!

Anyways, considering Michigan fan has been griping about getting ousted from the National Championship (before getting thumped by USC in the Rose Bowl), saying that Florida had no right to be there (we all know what happened there), this pretty much tells the story.

The Big 10 is slow... but they sure are smart!