THE HARDWOOD REPORT - WHY I HATE TEAM USA

by Sebastian, The Half Court Heave

What's popping everyone? I would like to welcome you to a new segment over here at Epic Carnival, The Hardwood Report. The Hardwood Report will be a bi-weekly segment that will cover the ins and outs of the NBA and basketball in general, and it will be run by yours truly. Who the hell am I? I knew you were going to ask that...well, I am Sebastian, and I run a great...ok decent...basketball blog called The Half Court Heave. You probably heard of it...

Anyway, on to the point of the post...I was perusing YouTube like any normal blogger and came across this gem...USA Basketball: A New Look. After watching it, I almost puked in my mouth (No it wasn't from the booze...I am pretty sure). Now I am proud to be an American, and all that junk...but I find myself rooting against this squad instead of for them...here is a look at some of the reasons why:

Kobe

I hate Kobe, probably as much as anyone can hate a human being. I blame him for everything...breaking up the Lakers, ruining the concept of team basketball, that whole reffing scandal, global warming, and the war in Iraq. The fact that his arrival to team USA now has the "experts" predicting a win kind of pisses me off too.

Coach K

As a die-hard UNC fan, there is no way I can be for anything that Coach K does. I think that he is an over-rated coach (I could probably win at least 1 national title with the talent he has had) who wines like a little baby when he doesn't get his way. I don't want him representing my country.

Tyson Chandler

As a die-hard Bulls fan, I can not endorse or support anything that uses Tyson Chandler or his likeness. Tyson Chandler on the national team? Really? They are really going to need his 2 blocked shots, 6 rebounds, and 10 fouls, huh?

This is NOT the second coming of the Dream Team

Now I was little when the original Dream Team came around and did their thing, but this team is NOT any version of the Dream Team. Nobody on this team has Barkley's charisma...nobody has Jordan's game...nobody can shoot like Bird. So stop saying the words Dream Team when describing this version of the National Team. That means you Bill Walton.

I am Italian

Technically, I could play for the Italian National Team...if I wanted to...but seriously if you were a chick (If you ARE a chick, my contact info is easy to find)...what's hotter...Oh I am Italian (not a fist-pumper) and I can speak it fluently...or...Oh I am American and I can speak English fluently...point Italian.

Well there you have it, hopefully when the Olympics roll around next year, you can join me in rooting against America...for all of the reasons above.