INSTANT KARMA IS GOING TO GET YOU

(Unless your name is Steven A. Smith)

by Andrew, The Grand National Championships

I am a firm believer in karma. I believe that if you do bad, bad comes back to you. I believe it to happen in the sports world as well. Take a look at the teams that had the high-profile incidents in the Super Bowl.

Hookers and blow do not bring you Super Bowl rings, kids.

But what does 1988 and the Dirty Bird have to do with today? That's like forever ago! Well, if you look hard enough, you can see these things in the NL Central pennant race. (A.K.A The Hated Playas Ball).

You look at the Chicago Cubs. They tried to go out and buy themselves legitimacy in the form of Alfonso Soriano, Aramis Ramirez, Ted Lilly, and detritus. They are going against all that is pure and sacred in baseball. Ken Burns is wagging his finger as I type. And the losing streak they are going through is just punishment.

HOWEVER! Ned Yost had to go and muck things up. You probably know the story. Tony LaRussa, in his infinite douchebaggery, decided to have his pitcher hit Prince Fielder. Benches were warned. And seeing as Ned is old school piss and vinegar scrappy...

HE DEMANDED REVENGE! By the hounds of hell, I stab at thee y'all, and stuff. But instead of going after the guy in the bottom of the inning, he decided for John Cheaney style vengeance. Bottom of the 8th. 1 out.

Albert Pujols steps up to the plate. Ned decides to pull soft tossing Bernie Mac lookalike Ray King for a the hardest thrower in the Brewers bullpen in Seth McClung (who has touched 100 on the gun). One pitch later? Albert's elbow gets clipped. Ned disregards the proper usage pattern to bring in Derrick Turnbow and the blowout. Is. On.

Point of fact, this will be the headshot that kills the shambling zombie corpse that is the Brewers. The Cubs may lose out. But the Brewers have Capuano going tonight. They face a slumping, but still skilled Chris Young tomorrow. And if the Padres are still in some form of a race on Sunday (which is as likely as a Henry Kissinger parody character going around unintelligibly trying to reunite lost loves), Jake Peavy goes.

On the upside? No excuse to listen to Tim McCarver! So there's that...

I'm going to listen to Dashboard Confessional and drown my sorrows in pills and wine.*

*Authors note: If I was really going to listen to Dashboard Confessional, I wouldn't be blogging. I would be cutting myself.**

**Dashboard Confessional sucks at music. Also life. Winners don't listen. Are you a winner?