JONATHAN LEE RICHES JUST WON'T GIVE UP

by DCScrap, Our Book of Scrap

After suing Michael Vick, Barry Bonds, Bud Selig, Hank Aaron's bat (yes, his bat) and countless others, our favorite inmate is back at it again. This time he has his sights set on the husband of the hot Ingrid Vandebosch, Jeff Gordon.

The complaint, filed Sept. 12 in the United States District Court Western District Of North Carolina, asserts that Jeff Gordon is, "Recklessly Drivin' My Life Crazy."

Maybe J.L. should go into writing country music. I sense a hit here. (I can call him J.L. because we're so tight. Like brothers ... from the backwoods ... deep in the backwoods ...)

The handwritten, 3-page complaint goes on to accuse Gordon of a litany of other crimes--from poisoning fans with chemical weapons, to wrecking other drivers by dropping Tic Tacs and oil on the track through a secret trap door under his race car.

That damn Gordon and his Tic Tacs. I knew he was cheating! I mean there is no way he is really this good.

In one section Riches states, "Gordon tied me to his bumper during the Talladega race." Elsewhere he complains, "Karl Rove left the White House to work as Gordon's tire changer." He also warns that, "Gordon told me [he has] secret plans to put wings on the #24 car and fly it into Ft. Knox."

Shoot. The cat's out of the bag now, Gordo. You better come up with a new plan. And while you are at it, see what you can do about settling this "22,000,000,000.00 Billion dollar" complaint against you by Mr. Riches.

Source: WSOC-TV