MATCH.COM MONDAYS: JON KITNA

by Rupert, Ghosts of WayneFontes

As we make our way through this world, we're all trying to do one thing... procreate. But sometimes, it's hard to find a partner who shares the same interests as you do. I'm all about love baby, so I'll be promoting the Match.com profiles of our favorite athletes/commentators/journalists. You never know, you the reader might find the love of your life!

This Week's Featured Profile: Jon Kitna
Display Name: Where_Would_Jesus_Throw
Status: Online now!

* age: 35-year-old man
* seeking: Students to follow the word of God

Relationships: Married
Have kids: 3 kids and legal guardian of 2 more
Ethnicity: Aryan
Body type: Clean
Height: 6'2"
Religion: White Supremacist
Smoke: No Way
Drink: You Crazy?

My Job:
I play quarterback for the Detroit Lions. It's a very rewarding role, but I just do what God tells me. God talks indirectly to me through Pastor Martz and Pastor Martz in turn conveys God's will through a series of hand signals that he learned in a special book he found buried under a tree in a special chest that could only be opened with God's special key.

Favorite Hot Spots:
The only hot spot I am aware of is the Jon and Jennifer Kitna Eternal Blessings Foundation. We founded it in 2001 and all these cool people are there. We like to play a special game on Saturday nights called "Who would Jesus do?" with the young children of God.Haha, gotcha. That's more J.T. O'Sullivan's kind of thing.

For Fun:
I love to read bible stories to the children of the lord. I especially like the one about Noah and the Ark, because everyone on board was able to take a special friend. Nobody should be alone in this long journey.

Favorite Things:
Spreading the word, studying Ebonics, boating, and golf. I also look forward to teaching math after my NFL career comes to a close. I'm a huge fan of Angels in the Outfield. That Danny Gloverjusts cracks me up. I also really like when I get some god damn, oh shit, I mean, darn, pass blocking.

Last Read:
The Good Book obviously. The only book as far as I am concerned.

About Me and Who I'm Looking For:
I really want to meet Josh Groban. I saw him at the US Open, but he didn't know who I was. He sure has some sweet Christian rock tunes. I'd also really like to meet Barry Sanders. I think if he had a nice God Fearing quarterback like he at the helm, he might like to come back to the Lions. We sure could use him. Did you us play the Eagles today? I don't know why God made the offensive line play so bad, but that's God for you. He is like one of those windy rivers - one minute you're headed one direction and the next, you're off in the other.

Well, I am always looking to meet soldiers to join in the good fight, so if you'd like to share in a friendship with me, please email me.