THE NEW NOTRE DAME FOOTBALL FANTASY CAMP

by The Raging M, The Angry T

Have you ever dreamed of donning the blue and gold at the 50 yard line of the historic Notre Dame Stadium? Do you ever dream of what Rudy felt like when he finally reached his goal of playing in a game on the field of Notre Dame glory? Do you wish to have an experience that only few have been able to tell their grandchildren about?

...Can you run the 40 in less than 5.0 seconds, and do you have any NCAA eligibility available?

If you have answered, “Yes!” to any of these questions, then we have the fantasy camp of a lifetime to offer you! The NEW 2008 Notre Dame Football Fantasy Camp has what every Fightin’ Irish fan has ever wanted. Using the suggestions given by former fantasy campers, we have updated our camp to be more up-to-date, allowing our greatest fans the opportunity to re-live the 2007 Notre Dame football season all over again. No more will fantasy campers need to live in the dead era when Notre Dame was a super powerhouse of Division I football. Now, with the new modern fantasy camp, participants will have the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to re-enact great 2007 season scenarios like:

• Losing in a very close 31-10 heartbreaker to Penn State, headed by a coach who thought he just beat Lou Holtz/Sylvester the Cat (“Ssssuffering ssssuccotasssh!”).
• Getting chewed out (figuratively and literally, based on mid-section girth) by Coach Weis at halftime after being shutout by a bad Michigan team.
• Enjoying the beautiful blue sky as you lie on your back after being sacked for the 23rd time in 3 games.

This fantasy camp not only allows fans to participate in on-the-field activities, but also strives to give you the all-around experience of a Notre Dame football star. Activities you will partake in include (but are not limited to) the following:

• Practicing you matador skills as you work side-by-side with offensive line coach John Latina (soon to be former offensive line coach John Latina).
• Learning the newest neck extensor stretches from team athletic trainers to improve your ability to fully hang your head in shame after future losses.
• Spending hours each day gaining the ability to avoid crying as Coach Weis either screams uncontrollably in your face or stares deep into your soul with a single hand over his mouth as he contemplates how he will destroy you.
• Taking courses from guest lecturer/sports agent Drew Rosenhaus on how to get a contract that allows you to get paid millions of dollars regardless of how well you produce at your job.
• Each day will include 2 meals where Coach Weis will educate fantasy campers on the specific steps taken when learning to unhinge your jaw to swallow small to medium animals whole.
• Slipping on wax paper gloves and running routes as quarterback Jimmy Clausen fires passes at you during 4th down simulations (a medic will be on hand to examine all broken noses, free of charge).

The 2008 camp ends with a fantasy camper versus remaining varsity football team scrimmage where all participants—young and old, small and big, male and female—will be playing for the chance they have all been waiting for...a starting position on the 2008 Notre Dame football roster! That’s right! The coaching staff, in an attempt to return the Fightin’ Irish to “a more Rudy-like mentality,” has determined that those campers who demonstrate better positional skills than the returning 2008 players will earn a starting spot during the first game of the 2008 NCAA football schedule.* As an added bonus, all fantasy campers who replace a scholarship athlete on the 2008 squad will be awarded with said athletes remaining scholarship, including full room and board.

Do not hesitate! Sign up for the 2008 Notre Dame football fantasy camp TODAY!

*Subject to player eligibility based on NCAA rules and regulations. Former XFL players need not apply.

(Originally published 9/22)