NEW RULES: NFL VERSION

by , Arrowhead Addict

I'm a big Bill Maher fan. Basically, we share a lot of the same agendas. Well, I'm not really into dating hip-hop groupies who moonlight as porn stars, but other than that we're very similar. For those of you who don't know Maher, he hosts an HBO late night talk show called Real Talk Time. On this show he has a segment called "New Rules". We desperately need some new rules when it comes to the NFL, so without further ado...

New Rules: NFL Version

1. Jersey Etiquette

A. If a player left your team on bad terms, stop wearing his jersey to bars, parties and stadiums. Need further clarification? Fine. A Joe Montana San Francisco 49ers jersey is totally acceptable, while a Randy Moss Minnesota Vikings jersey is not.

and...

B.) If your team isn't one of the two teams playing at the NFL stadium you are attending, don't wear a jersey. For instance, at the Chiefs-Vikings game Sunday there was some douche who thought he was real cool sporting his fresh, new Brady Quinn Cleveland Browns jersey. Don't be that guy or girl. Just wear neutral colors and enjoy the game.

2. Unnecessary Parenting

Unless your kid is currently a D-1 All-American playing at a nationally ranked school, never, ever say that your kid could do a better job than an NFL player. The poor bastard sitting next to you is trying to watch a game, not hear about your boy.

3. Bonus Points for White Backs and Receivers

Since there are so few white wide receivers (like four -- Drew Bennett, Kevin Curtis, Mike Furrey and Wes Welker) and running backs ( Brian Leonard is the only one I can think of, and he's a temp), you should get extra points for having the courage to start them in fantasy football leagues. Period.

4. Pissing Party Poopers

Don't give someone lip for pissing in the parking lot at a tailgate or out back at a football house party (unless, of course, it is your crib). Hey, it's not their fault that you're the sucker who waited in line. This is football, not a Young Republicans luncheon.

5. Levels of Fandom

If the guy or girl fan sitting next to you while watching a game knows more about your team than you do, then you've lost your right to debate with them and should only speak when spoken to. Face it -- you're out of your element.