Epic Carnival | Where Sports and Pop Culture Collide: NFL Preview: New York Football Giants

NFL Preview: New York Football Giants

by , Strike Zones and End Zones

First off, can we lose the “football” part already? Everyone knows they're a football team, although I can see the need for clarification considering how last season went.

I tried not to pay too much attention to the pre-season, considering there was still some Strahan sized wrinkles to iron out, but this Sunday starts the real thing. And since we're talking about Strahan, we all know it had nothing to do with contracts or lack of passion for the game. August is friggin' hot! I wouldn't want to do two-a-days if I were Strahan either. That guy got to skip a month of practice in 90 degree heat and still gets his ass kissed for coming back. Genius, I say. I am, however, predicting he'll have the worst season of his career. Be prepared.

And Eli's looking like a deer in headlights as usual. If Coughlin had any sense (which he clearly does not), he'd bench him and see what that doughboy Lorenzen can do. I know he's a big one, but when the offensive line crumbles you need a QB that can take a hit without crying. He's a far better passer, more composed in the pocket, and can push the line when he needs to.

And as far as the rest of the offense, Eli doesn't have Tiki to hide behind anymore. With injuries to receivers Steve Smith and Michael Jennings, he needs to take control of the offense and prove he's worth the start. The advantage of having a guy like Plaxico Burress to throw to is that you don't have to be entirely accurate because at 6'5” with his skill, he'll usually come down with the ball. But the lack of variety downfield will expose Eli's trouble with distance.

One of the biggest mistakes of 2006 was under-utilizing Shockey. He spent a lot of time open with out even a look from Manning. Regardless of personal differences off the field, Eli needs Shockey to save him in pass rush situations. And if Shockey gets the ball, you're guaranteed a gain 3 out of 4 times. So what if he's a punkass, blonde prick? He's a punkass, blonde prick who'll pick up yards.

My prediction? 8-8. What will they actually do? Probably slightly better. But not with Eli at the helm. There are way too many distractions - including the team's obvious hatred of Coughlin - to do anything impressive this season. And their shot at winning the NFC East? Zero.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go cry now.


1 comment(s):

theoriginaljd said...

This team has 5-11 written all over them. I can't wait until about week 7 when they quit on Coughlin and Eli is caught in a gay sex bondage club in the Village.

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