NFL Preview: Oakland Raiders

by The Original JD, Six Pack Sports Report

Pardon me while I channel Bill Simmons for a moment. Imagine this scenario if you will - you're dating a girl in high school. Let's say she was a soccer player (everyone from my part the world knows that the heirarchy of high school girls went soccer, field hockey, cheerleader), she was beautiful and you spent the entire time with her wondering what the hell she was doing with a loser like you. Then you went to seperate colleges, sure it was ok to begin with but after Thanksgiving you broke it off because it just got to hard to have a long distance relationship while attending opium parties, chewing mushrooms and trying not to get menengitis. During the summer you see her and you realize that she gained the freshman 20, has been drinking too much and is probably a little bit to liberal for you so you forget she ever existed and move on with your life although it's always in the back of your mind how great she used to be and what fun you had together. Well now college is over, you've moved back into your mom's basement while you look for a job, you're out at the local pub/bar/disco (if you live in the 70s)/strip club and you run into the high school ex. She has hooked herself up the juvenation machine and while her old body isn't back you can see it's well on it's way. At that moment you might as well nickname her the 2007 Oakland Raiders. (Before we finish, J-Bug, Jimmy Kimmel, Boston Celtics, Madden -- how's that for a Simmons impression?)

Last season the Oakland Raiders were coached by the Ghost of Art Shell, and some guy who the season prior to 2006 had been flipping pancakes at a bed and breakfast. Just by replacing those two with coaches who have a pulse the Raiders have assured themselves a 5 win season. I realize that for the silver and black the Raiders winning 5 games would probably be considered an upgrade - but I'm here to tell you Raider fans that you could win 7 games this season and I wouldn't be surprised at all.

A lot has been made about the Raider defense because of some good young players like Michael Huff, Nnamdi Asomugha, and Kirk Morrison the Raiders have a young nucleus that could be the cornerstone of the Black Holev2.0 for a new generation of tattoed, skin heads wearing spiked shoulder pads on a Wednesday night in Oakland. I think some of the stats that the Raiders defense put up last season was skewed because of the horrible job the offense did in actually producing offensive points. It's not to hard for the opposing team to have a gameplan when they know all they need is 10 points and they can put the game to bed. I mean teams were killing the clock in the second quarter against the Raiders last year because the offense was so awful.

That doesn't mean that I don't think the defense is good. I think the Raiders defense is solid and they will be close enough to what they were last year to keep the Raiders in some ballgames. I mean at the very least they will be able to stay off the field a little more with an offense not run by a man who would have been more qualified to be an NFL Offensive coordinator had he won an American Idol style reality show.

As far as the offense is concerned as a Patriots fan and a Raiders preview writer I can say that I love the fact that Randy Moss is gone. He had no business being on this Raider team with a 31 year old Head Coach in Lane Kiffin (when your head coach gets mono frankly you know he might be to young). Moss was a disaster on a team with no leadership, no direction, and rebuilding - he had to be moved and the Raiders did the right thing in unloading him to the Patriots. However, the offense really isn't that bad (on paper). Lamont Jordon, Dominick Rhodes and Michael Bush form a better three headed monster then the Kevin Jones, Tatum Bell, and T.J. Duckett trio in Detroit and people have been slurping that Lions offense for months.

Furthermore even without Moss the wide receivers aren't terrible with Jerry Porter and Ronald Curry no longer living in the shadow of the Randy Ratio. I realize they're not model citizens but frankly this is the Raiders we're talking about so would you expect anything less? The real question mark is Daunte Culpepper. I mean when Carson Palmer gets injured everyone gives him a season long mulligan to recover and expect big numbers from him again this year - isn't it possible that we should have extended the same courtesy to Culpepper? I mean it's impossible for a guy to get as bad as he got as fast as he got right? He'll at least be a serviceable place holder until JaMarcus Russell finally shows up.

Personally I like Culpepper. I think that he is about a 1000% upgrade over Ken Walter and whoever the hell else the Raiders threw out there last season. Plus if you put him on the field with an actual gameplan to run which I assume will be - hand the ball off, hand the ball off, short pass, hand the ball off - he won't be a complete disaster. Will the Raiders suddenly become the 2001 Rams? No. But they won't be the 2006 Raiders offense either, and that's all this defense will need to figure out ways to win games.

We live in a world where the Baltimore Ravens won a Super Bowl with Trent Dilfer. You're telling me that the Raiders can't make some noise with that defense and a serviceable offense? I realize that the huge gaping Britney Spears vagina sized hole in my arguement is the fact that Robert Gallery just gave up six sacks while I was writing this preview but I chalk up the fact that the Raiders offfensive line sucked to Art Shell and an abortion of an offensive gameplan more then anything else. If I'm wrong, and the Raiders come out the gate blocking like the Notre Dame offensive line then it'll be a short season for Culpepper but a long season for the silver and black faithful.

The Raiders also benefit from playing a cupcake schedule (outside of their own division) in that they start off: Detroit, @ Denver, Cleveland, @ Miami and after the bye they still play @ Tennessee, Houston, @ Minnesota @ Green Bay, and they have two games against Kansas City (who will suck this year) you're telling me that they can't go at least 6-3 or 7-2 in those games? You should also factor in the fact that they play San Diego the last game of the season (a traditional mail it in game especially if the Chargers will be flying back across the country for a first round playoff series), and @ Jacksonville who might be an absolutely train wreck this season - I'm telling you all right now the Oakland Raiders have all the ingredients to be one of those teams that comes from the cellar to go 8-8 the next season.

So yeah Raider fans you've had a rocky relationship but your team is back, they're getting back into shape, and even though you'll always wonder what went on during that period you were apart just know that things are fun again and isn't that all that really matters at this point?

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