REEBOK EDGE JERSEY HAS AN ATTITUDE

by Mike, the Pig Pen

If you guys weren't already on the edge of your seats watching with anticipation, I thought I'd remind you that the NHL preseason started this past Tuesday. I think we can all agree that there's nothing better than preseason hockey. No, not even Rob Schneider. With that in mind, I was curious to see how hockey fans across this great continent would react after their first glimpse of the new highly regarded Reebok Edge jersey that has warranted so much attention. A new technology which depicts a sleeker, more durable jersey which allows for faster skating and increased mobility. Ultimately ending in better play.

Via USAToday,

The league Monday will unveil sleeker, lighter, more durable hockey uniforms from Reebok that will enable players to skate faster with greater range of motion, while staying drier and cooler on the ice, says Brian Jennings, the NHL's executive vice president of consumer products marketing.

"They'll still look like hockey players in hockey sweaters," Jennings says. "But the jerseys have incredible technology that allows players to perform better."

While this might be true, its pretty clear that Reebok and NHL aren't telling us something.

After thoroughly studying the new jerseys for the duration of the first two days of preseason hockey, thePigPen has come to only one conclusion...The jerseys not only embed a new technology that will enable players to skate faster with an increased range of motion, it seems as though these jerseys also have the ability to talk shit and drive a car. Impossible? Being that fighting is what attracts your casual NHL fan, Reebok and the NHL have devised a plan in hopes of heightening hockey's popularity. A risky endeavor in hopes of dragging hockey out of the sh**ter. How else can you explain this incident in Dallas a couple nights ago (I realize this is anti-climatic, but the picture might be a few pictures into that slide show)? I thought this was preseason? Gary Bettman and the NHL hope their new shit talking jerseys will slowly but surely subtly provoke their players into more fights, resulting in higher television ratings and, subsequently, more p*ssy for Mr. Bettman. Win, win.

Just a reminder: The NHL regular season begins October 3.