Top 5 Reasons Why the Taunting Penalty Exists

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

As you might be able to tell from my previous output on this fine blog, I'm kind of fascinated by Fighting Words. To wit...

In professional football, grown men who have spent most of their childhood, adolescence and adulthood honing their minds and bodies to play a game are allowed to more or less destroy each other physically.

They spend most of their waking lives preparing for the single hour of game time per week that defines their professional existence.

And no matter what, you must not taunt them.

Can someone, anyone, explain to me why this is so?

Yes, and it's Today's List.

1) The NFL lives in mortal fear that a player will go on an on-field killing spree from a Killing Taunt. (Unfortunately, government funding to the development of Killing Taunts has been cut to help pay for the war in Iraq. It's a damn shame.)

2) The NFL is convinced that a certain portion of the populace will turn off the game, and/or not buy merch, if there is rampant taunting. This, from a league that has seen no significant drop in ratings or attendance despite the career of Dennis Miller, Joe Theismann or Joey Harrington. A note to the NFL: We're Going To Watch. No matter what, really.

3) It sets a bad example for the kids. Because everything else that NFL players do, the kids emulate. Why, little Timmy from down the lane keeps asking me if he can borrow my beagle for a playdate. Wait a minute...

4) In a league where showing too much sock gets you a fine, are they really going to let people express their individuality with fighting words? Of course not... until we can find out a way to make a buck off it. Wouldn't you pay $9.99 for a CD of Brian Dawkins' favorite Algonquin Round Table inspired put-downs of Jeremy Shockey, Terrell Owens and Chris Cooley? I know I would!

5) Having quickly channeled NOIS, I can tell you for certain that blacks simply taunt better than whites. The taunting penalty is just another case of the Man keeping brothers down.

So... turn me loose! turn it up! fight the power! fight the power that be!