When You Aren't Getting Laid Anyways

by theoriginaljd, Six Pack Sports Report

Are you a nonathletic socially awkward kid who just hasn't had any luck with the ladies? You're probably sitting in your parents basement right night, playing your XBox 360 with the Intellevisison mod and starring up at a Heroes poster that sits proudly above your regulation live action D&D dice set. Well fear not my floppy haired, potentially bespectacled and most certainly oily friend because a quartet of your brethren would like to introduce the world's most perfect game for you:

Groinball!

Now I've never been in a position to sacrifice the family jewels for entertainment because as one of the world's most beautiful people I am constantly fighting off super models with a piano leg - however I can see where someone as pathetic as the guys in this video would come up with this idea. The description provided by the masterminds who love Groinball as well as video evidence of it's existence are after the jump.

Groinball is a game with a rich tradition. It was invented by the Japanese shortly after the second world war, but stolen by the white man and brought back to America, where it was developed into the modern game we all love. Two teams of two compete in Groinball. Two opposition players face each other inside a box marked on the ground and place their hands on each others' shoulders whilst their respective partners stand behind them. The object is for the players outside of the box to bounce tennis balls between their team mate's legs so that they hit the opponent in the groin. The game is scored much like boxing in that points are given for hits (2X points for friendly fire) and the match ends after a pre-determined period or through a KO (defined as a player crumbling and hitting the floor).

This is a pretty in depth description for a game that could be sold like this - do you have testicles that last saw female genitalia on the day you were born? Well play a little groinball friend because what's better when you've succumb to a life of forced celibacy then having your friends throw tennis balls at your junk? While I do not have video evidence of this fact I would feel confident that Brady Quinn has played groinball in his day.

From now on when I venture into Parts Unknown to rendezvous with someone who posted an add on Craigslist I'll be carrying a tennis ball at all times. Oh what's that person who said their name was Nancy the Asian schoolgirl? I threw my tennis ball into your johnson well I was just playing groinball and you're getting a negative review of this session. And now for the actual video which I just cannot condone. I am a role model after all.

Credit: Sports Column Blog