WHOOPS! EGG ALL OVER YOUR FACE, KID!

by Stamos, Brahsome

So, we, the gents over at Brahsome.com, are a pretty lazy bunch. We appreciate being a part of the Epic Carnival crew, as we get exposed to some funny sh*t, and sometimes get our name out there to new folks. However, with that privilege comes great responsibility. And by great responsibility, I mean writing 2 posts a week between 3 of us. Huge nighthorse, we know. But, since we're lazy and generally uncreative, we find that we work better with some structure around us regarding what we're supposed to write (read: we don't want to come up with some randie post every week because we'll forget and look like a couple of jerk-stores who don't want to pay their dues so we decided to come up with a post idea that can just become something of a staple here at EC). And, that staple is basically going to be a bash-fest on whoever was the biggest loser last week. It'll generally deal with sports (we're certainly not going to write 500 words on how fat Brit looked or how many people should get fired for letting her wear that sequined lingerie in front of 50 million peeps- we've got an in-house celebranter in Boxy Brown.) but every now and again we might decide to call out someone else.

So, now that we've got you all tingly with anticipation, jump on down to see who got egged this week.

Remember back when Notre Dame football was great? Like when Knute Rockne was winning 9 of every 10 games for his 13 year tenure or when Frank Leahy lost only 11 games in as many years? Really, it wasn't long ago that Lou Holtz was winning 3 of every 4 games. Then Davie and Willigham combined for a 56-40 record over their 8 year combined career, which saw them both fired for incompetency. But wait- there's a savior on the horizon. A Notre Dame grad, a Super Bowl winning assistant coach known for creating unstoppable offensesunder the tutilage of Bill Parcells. And, early in his tenure, he didn't disappoint, going to the Fiesta Bowl in his first year. But, as Ty Willingham's players have gradually graduated, and Weis' own players have stepped in, things have gotten slightly less rosy. In 2006, the Irish started off as the pre-season #2 team in the nation. However, after bending over and finding themselves on the business end of a 41-14 pounding from LSU, they finished the season #19. And, this year looks much worse.

So far, Notre Dame is 0-3. Their three losses by a combined 89 points. And this vaunted offensive juggernaut that Weis was to build? Exactly ZERO offensive touchdowns thus far. In fact, they failed to score a TD last weekend against a Michgan team that, just two weeks before, had given up 4 TDs to 1-AA Appalachian State. All-Everything and rumored program savior Jimmy Claussen is completing under 60% of his passes and averaging 4.58 yards per attempt while sporting a healthy 0/2 TD/INT ratio- not quite Heisman material. Their 4-headed running attack of Aldridge, Allen, Jones, and Thomas has combined for 173 yards on 63 carries- a robust 2.74 YPC. And Jones isn't even on the team anymore after Weis, despite going through all of spring and summer practice with him as QB1, removed him before the end of the 1st half in week one. We wish Jones the best at Northern Illinios.

But enough about Notre Dame as a team- let's make fun of Charlie Weis for a few minutes. He's monstrous. He's so fat, he puts mayonnaise on aspirin. He's so fat, when as player he was told to haul ass, he had to make two trips. He's so fat, the only thing attracted to him is gravity. He's so fat, he whistles bass. And, in an effort to shave off a few pounds, he had gastric bypass a few years back. This for a guy who, no question, constantly preaches about nutrition and exercise to 80-some college kids. And, since the surgery didn't really work, he unsuccessfully sued the doctors involved. So much for taking responsibility for your own actions. His full figure has even inspired it's own websites.

But, I digress. There's plenty more I'd like to say about Charlie Weis, but I'm too mad I didn't come up with the Wizard of Oz analogy myself. Charlie Weiss, you've got egg on your face. Please don't eat it all.

[Foul Balls: Is Charlie Weis Just The Wizard Of Oz In A Fat Suit?]