BARRY BONDS IS RETARDED

by Jack Cobra, Cobra Brigade

I really look forward to the day when Barry Bonds retires. I'm tired of hearing about steroid 'allegations', his lack of mobility in the outfield and I'm tired of hearing him voice his opinion on things he doesn't know about. He was back at it yesterday....

Bonds also said that if he were running the franchise, the Giants would have won a World Series by now. They fell five outs short in 2002, and one thing the slugger is still missing on his remarkable resume is a championship ring.

"They've been here since 1958," Bonds said. "We'd win a World Series. I know the game so well. I can see talent. I know exactly what I'd be looking for."

Is the club any closer to winning it all?

"I can't answer that. I don't work there anymore," Bonds quipped, then howled in laughter. "My philosophy in sports is you don't break things up. You add to it."

So maybe he can be a General Manager after he retires? Can you imagine what they'd have to pay him to do that job? Bonds went on to talk about how he was 'fired'....

Fourteen All-Star game selections. A record seven NL MVPs. Eight Gold Glove awards.

"I did, and then I got fired," Bonds told a group of about 450 people in the audience. "Shame on me, huh?"

This is a 'what have you done for me lately' kind of game, Barry. I figured you would know that since you know everything about everything, no? I just don't understand this guy. I really wish he would just slither out of the spotlight and leave all of our lives forever.