THE DIRECT TO VIDEO SEQUEL

by Andrew, The Grand National Championships

One of the awesome (and by awesome I am being sarcastic) newer features in the movie industry is the direct to video sequel. You have an awesome movie like Species II? It needs, nay it demands a Species III. You have a tangential connection to the original movie?

That's all you need.

It's just as lame in your sports teams as well. I mean take a look the 1998 Florida Marlins. Coming off of a World Series berth, they slash the budget, only have a tangential connections to the championship squad, and end up winning 54 games. Andy Larkin was like the actor who has their one role be in Bring it On: Revolutions and is so proud of that piece of crap.

Am I being too mean to Andy Larkin? Perhaps. But he had a 9.64 ERA so he should be glad somebody remembers his worthless performance.

It is also prevalent in Super Bowl Losers. Sure, the Seahawks bucked the trend. But take a look at the Post-Super Bowl afterglow of the Eagles and Bears. Their quarterbacks went from Dennis Quaid and Jaime Foxx to Randy Quaid and Keenan Ivory Wayans respectively.

You can also take a look at the 2007 New Orleans Saints. It's as if they replaced Ed Norton with Dean Cain as gutsy quarterback Drew Brees. And the inspiring season that Peter Hammond of Maxim Magazine called "Amazing!" is replaced by the horrible season that Peter Hammond of Maxim Magazine calls "Amazing!"

And you know what else? It's going to happen again next year. The Super Bowl Loser is going to fall off the cliff (Go Cowboys!), but the team that I'm really worried about is the Detroit Tigers. It could follow the pattern of the 2005 to 2007 White Sox. If they sign Barry Bonds? It's a too many crazy, too many cooks, Curtis Granderson's going to be feeling bad about himself, 70-92 clusterf**k.

But what do I know? I pegged Santana Moss as a Fantasy Football sleeper.