EVEN THE LOSERS GET LUCKY SOMETIMES: EC FANTASY LEAGUE

by Bstone, Brahsome

Godzilla. There's nothing worse than having to write a column talking sh*t about fantasy football the week after you lost losing. Losing sucks. We're winners. At least that's what mom and dad said at breakfast this morning. (On a side note, the fact that Tom Petty pulled a ton of tail in his lifetime just goes to show you that when handed the choice of "rock star" and "semi-successful but mostly obnoxious blogger", I probably picked the wrong route to run down. I mean, he's gorgeous and all, so it's no real surprise that he got tons of women. Probably almost as many as I get on a randy Friday night just for wearing my "Brahsome.com" T-shirt out to the bar.)

I guess I could write a column about serious, reasonable analysis regarding fantasy football. I've spent all day doing that already (Yeah, it's a shameless plug, go f*ck yourself) so we'll just move into my typical ranting and raving on the EC fantasy league. Of course, on the other hand, Nick Folk helped me win the league I actually give a sh*t about, so f*ck you Tanuki. *Grumble* Second highest score losing bullsh*t...stupid f*cking fantasy football..*Grumble*

Last week's scores:

Tanuki 106
PissingExcellence 94

There's nothing to say here. We managed our team to perfection. Such is life. Especially with Ocho-Cinco on the bench. Greg Jennings missed the second half. And the Chargers scored 41 without LT finding the end zone. Clearly that happens frequently. Well played Don, well played.

tits and ass 83
THE FANTASY WARLORD 83

Ties blow. Of course, both teams could have gone bigger. Buuuuuut, you can't really fault TNA for starting MB3 over Ron Dayne. Or FW for going with Vince Young over Jeff Garcia. I'm not really in a sh*t talking mood anyway. Surely there was a better option than Donald Lee.

Pervert Clown 75
Vick's Broken Dreams 34
F*ck. I have to keep recapping this? Every f*cking week, VBD tosses up a goddamn 35 on someone other than us. What. The. F*ck. Man. Set your lineup. Delhomme is out for the season, it's embarrassing. DOD thanks you greatly.


Sheckler Monologues 88
Picked_Ninth 77

Wow! What...another....exciting......matchup. I hate my life. At least I didn't draft Larry Johnson though! LJ sucked it up again this week as P9th fell under .500. There wasn't anything they could have done, although it would be nice to see a little f*cking effort by getting Boldin on the motherf*cking bench. Like playing cards with my brother's kids. (Author's note: Don't even think about coming back with some "What about Santonio Holmes, douchebag?" line either. He was a late scratch. We knew about Boldin all morning long c*cksucker.)

Sex Cannons 80
Drive Thru Abortions 56

Things are going poorly when you realize that you're forced to bench Drew Brees and start John Joseph Harrington. Not good times. Did I tell you about when my buddy Jacko only scored 56 points on his fantasy team in week six? Yeah, I called him up and made fun of him. Because he's a motherf*cking loser. Too harsh you say? DTA has three defenses on it's roster this week. Because two of them were on bye. Dude, drop a motherf*cking defense already. What the f*ck. If you had told me at the beginning of the year that someone starting a combination of Brandon Jones, Chris Brown, Derek Anderson and Shaun McDonald was going to win, I probably would have violated you. Unless you were a dude. Then I would have just kicked your ass.

The Turnovers 35
3rd & Long Duk Dong 75

Adios. Amigo. The Turnovers continue their Sunday Shame Spiral, forced to sit Andre Johnson, Steven Jackson and Marvin Harrison to injury and the Minnesota DST to a bye week. Sorry, Hank. Nothing to see here really. Just the "best" team in the league getting a pretty nice matchup.