MATCH.COM MONDAYS: JOHN MADDEN

by Rupert, Ghosts of WayneFontes

As we make our way through this world, we're all trying to do one thing... procreate. But sometimes, it's hard to find a partner who shares the same interests as you do. I'm all about love baby, so I'll be promoting the Match.com profiles of our favorite athletes/commentators/journalists. You never know, you the reader might find the love of your life!

This Week's Featured Profile: John Madden
Display Name: That_Truck_Came_From_Me
Status: Online now!

* age: 71. When you have a birthday, you get older.
* seeking: A replacement for Pat Summerall to ride the bus with me. Also, turkey legs.

Relationships: Married to Virginia Madden
Have kids: Two
Ethnicity: White
Body type: Pretty fat
Height: 6'4"
Religion: When you go to church, you're a Christian. When you go to temple, you're a Jew.
Smoke: No
Drink: Possibly a lot and on the air, but not for sure

My Job:
Commentator for the NFL on NBC.

Favorite Hot Spots:
My bus. I am scared to fly, so I always ride the Madden bus. Please hold the short bus jokes though, it's full size.

For Fun:
I enjoy eating a lot - particularly genetically enhanced mutant meats with multiple legs. When you eat a big meal, you later take a big dump. I love circling things and drawing on the TV screens. Finally I like saying really weird sexual inuendos and getting away with it, because nobody suspects me, such as this, "See in the line you have the A hole, the B hole and the C hole. And watch this right here, Ricky Williams takes it up the A hole."

Favorite Things:
I love making up brilliant "Maddensims." Typically, I say things that either make no sense whatsoever and other times I just state things that are totally obvious. Like this one, "The whole play starts when the center snaps the ball, and if you don't have a center you can't start the play." Either way, the people seems to like it. They keeping putting me on these video games. When I can't think of stuff to say, I make a noise like "boom" or "Pow" like in Batman.

Last Read:
I'm A Stranger Here Myself by Bill Bryson. Bryson is always cracking jokes and getting into stcky situations just like me.

About Me and Who I'm Looking For:
I need someone to share the booth with me who can keep me under control. Ever since Pat left, I am going off the deep end. He was the Cousin Larry to my Balki.