MATCH.COM MONDAYS: PETE CARROLL

by Sterling Gould, More Credible

As we make our way through this world, we're all trying to do one thing... procreate. But sometimes, it's hard to find a partner who shares the same interests as you do. I'm all about love baby, so I'll be promoting the Match.com profiles of our favorite athletes/commentators/journalists. You never know, you the reader might find the love of your life!

This Week's Featured Profile: Pete Carroll
Display Name: THEtrojanHORSEisGREATER
Status: Online now!

* age: 56. Funny, that's the same number of national championships I'll win by the time I'm finished here at Southern Cal.
* seeking: Anyone that runs a sub 4.0 forty yard dash, and doesn't mind waiting in my tool cabinet for a few years before I brush you off for your senior year.

Relationships: Married to the lovefest that is ESPN and your state's top recruit this season. (He hasn't signed yet has he? Better get Reggie to help me out turn this guy.)
Have kids: I'm not quite sure to tell you the truth. I think I had to rescind a few because they weren't capable of winning a PAC-10 Championship
Ethnicity: White, bro.
Body type: The Body of Hercules. An elder Hercules.
Height: 6'0" of pure bullshit.
Religion: I'm my own religion.
Smoke: Only if a recruit's parents ask me to.
Drink: I didn't before Joe McKnight, now, you can pour me that virgin apple daiquiri baby.

My Job:
Coach for the Southern California Trojans football team, or more appropriately put "The Garden of God's Blue-Chip Children"

Favorite Hot Spots:
California, Texas, Florida, Ohio

For Fun:
I like to this of myself as a down-to-earth guy. I like hanging out with my buddy Will Ferrell, and I go fly fishing with my friends Reggie Bush and Matt Leinart on Mondays (if they don't have a game). On Friday nights before what always seems to be the "Biggest Game Ever" from week to week in the PAC-10, I like to have a night out on the town with Marcus Allen and Snoop Dogg. Those guys are some party animals. Last time I went out with them, they made me drink something called a "sex on the beach". I only had one but needless to say, I wasn't the designate drive that night (WILD NIGHT GUYS! <~BF4E~>).

Favorite Things:
I enjoy defense and the feeling that I'm in complete control of what's going on in the playing field. I like leather and clean spank on the buttocks. I'm always wishing that Reggie Bush would quit this "pro football" shit and come back to SC and finish his final year of eligibility. Plus, he still has a few paychecks to pick up. Oh, and I like gang tackles. Love it, love it, love it.

Last Read: "Rivals Top 150 Prospects out of Wyoming" - It was a great read that made me laugh, kept me intrigued, and changed my view on life.

About Me and Who I'm Looking For:
I'm a defensive minded and I want to score a few "safeties" with the opposition. And I'm always open for experimentation. Sure, three star recruits are nice to sure up and they're great to fill up our scout squad, but I want 6 star guys. I'm looking for some guys that like sensual, oily massages and trying out some role play with the Song Girls uniforms. You'll play the role of the Song Girl, and I'll be Pete Carroll.